13 Methods How

As a human with a suicidal girl in my life, Amy, I feel personally affected by the whole subject of self-harm and suicide. I want to help, even though I'm not sure I can. I want to understand so I avoid saying wrong useless clichés like "You should just stop thinking about it." I'm unable to fully process the issue, but I try to listen and let her just complain, yell or cry. 

A Remarkable Scene in the Show.

Have you heard about 13 Reasons Why? (Bonus question: did you watch it?).  In case you haven't let me introduce it with no spoilers. It's a series telling the story of a girl who's committed suicide and left tapes for the people responsible. Some of the people who hurt her had no clue they even did. Or, to be precise, didn't imagine it being that serious anyway. But the end result was some of them denying and others feeling guilty after they listened to the tapes. The series became so famous, leaving the viewers rethinking their smallest actions and their effect on others' lives.

Few days ago, I shared this article on Facebook, really well-expressed, check it out. What was rewarding was the fact that a friend of a friend encouraged his colleagues to hangout with a lonely girl at college because of this article. He didn't just read the article and move on with his life, he took a huge step. Did he change her life? I hope so.

So what's my article trying to teach you? I'm sure you're feeling lost and confused by now, but bear with me. 

In a time where teenagers and young adults have more on their minds than you could imagine, we can't shut our eyes to the amount of stress they already have because of education and activities (at least). Their depression and sadness can't be ignored. They shouldn't be treated as punching bags for older people to get rid of their own anger and hurt. They should be taken seriously when they complain or show pain. There's nothing such as "You're too young to be depressed" or "What did you face in your life that was so painful, anyway?".

As for the fellow adults you come across everyday, be kind to them as much as you can. Give warm compliments randomly, maybe your compliment make their day. Maybe they'd feel better about themselves because of you. Tell them you love them. Appreciate their work. Life's too short to stay mad at people for long.

Your words and actions can hurt others without you even noticing, because people are different. And, if you intentionally hurt others, you deep down know it, even if you keep denying it. It's never too late to make it right, unless the victim attempts suicide, then yes it is late. 

So instead of regretting bullying or abusing a person who chose to take their own life, I advice you to step forward and do the right thing while you still can. Suicide, in my humble opinion, can be avoided if people stopped being mean and inconsiderate. I'm not going to say "Suicide is a permanent decision for temporary problems" and all the other good stuff, because it's more effective to stop people from pushing the victims to end their lives in the first place.

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FIFTY SHADES ROOMMATE-R

Hi, remember us, Samaa and Noura, the roommates? Well, we've got some new craziness to share with you. So buckle your seatbelt and come on board! If you haven't read the first part, click here.

Eating Nutella, banana and almonds crêpe.

1. Telepathy

We reached an advanced point in communication. I told her "Let's get dressed and go! I will bring the thingy to buy the thingy" She replied with a simple okay. I asked if she even got what I was saying, because she was texting and not 100% focused for sure, she actually translated what I said. I was really proud. "Next, telepathy, then!"

2. Sharing has NO END

During the Amy crisis, I shared with her almost the full story. I needed someone to talk to without judging or arguing. But there are also the trivial stories, information and anecdotes that are shared all the time, it's a whole package.

3. Shame on You!

How often do you get an email offering a JOB anyway? It's really rare. I find it impossible. But yet, it happened to Noura.

She got an email offering her a really great job in the UK! After the cheers and screams and high-fives, Noura got serious and "I'm afraid it's a scam!" she muttered.

"What?!"

And then an FBI-like investigation took place. LinkedIn, email adresses, Facebook, the company's website, we missed Twitter though. But we came to a conclusion! It wasn't a scam. Then it was. Then after ten more times, we were sure, it was a scam! If an FBI officer is reading this, we could use some jobs over here, thanks!

Noura is no regular young woman, she didn't just ignore the email. She replied and here's the email to get the image. You go Noura!!

4. Cease the Chance

Every single thing that faces you, is an "unceased" opportunity. That's sort of our motto. The scam incident was a great excuse to contact the company for instance. Asking even friends for some extra help and job/internship hunting. 

5. DJ Sky

Living with someone with the exact opposite taste in music is a true struggle! I adore music, not all the types though. Listening to music most of the time is a part of my soul. But when I'm forced to listen to creepy lame Egyptian songs, I just can't! Humans invented headphones and earphones for a reason, Noura! 
"Give me the DJ task" say I frequently.

"No, not you!"

"Oh really"

Then an emotional wedding song is played. God, help me!

I'm glad that she, at last, listened to me and bought headphones. 

6. Wrong Name

It's a universally-known fact that a girl gets angry when you get her name wrong. I used to call Noura by Salma at first, the name of my ex-roommate. And then I got confused between Nour (a friend, Nour means light in Arabic) and Noura, like ALL THE TIME. Especially when I have one of them on the phone and the other in front of me. "Nour, no, Noura, ugh, Nour!! What do you think about...??"

Adding to the mix, I have a close friend and a cousin both called Nouran. So that's too much light for me, honestly.

7. Nicknames

Now that's a different topic. Noura invented a nickname for me. I didn't like it all and asked to change it. "No I like it!"

"Then I'll invent a disgusting nickname for you and keep calling you by!"

"Fine!"

After two minutes of throwing nicknames at her and getting an approval, "What about Nounou?"

"I like it!"

God, am I the only picky one here, or what?!
Two weeks later, and I still call her Noura.

8. No Getting Over... the Dishes

There are always dishes that need to be done. Either in the sink, on the desk or on the "kitchen" table. Sometimes, someone goes full Katniss Everdeen and volunteers, but sometimes "You will do the dishes today! I did them for us many times!". So I have to zip it and put my gloves on. Yes, I put gloves while doing the dishes, because I have sensitive hands, even though I'm not sensitive myself.

Other cleaning tasks don't seem to bother us much, each does them when she feels like it. No rush, either because they're not as frequently needed as the dishes or because we're racist towards the dishes. Still not sure.

9.  "I'm great"

In an attempt to raise my self-esteem and general mood, I encourage myself after every task with "I'm great". Sounds a bit narcissist, I know, but I'm just too much. And according to the yelling roommate, it's also annoying. Sometimes I'm sweet, I promise, and I tell her and other people that they're great! Especially when she tries something new or just randomly. If I tell you that you're great, it means I love you. 

10. The Help

I must admit Noura pushed me to do many things. Like yelling at the kids who speak out loud during the lectures, I have no idea why are they attending if they don't want to listen. That's another story though. It felt great to shut them up, politely. Praying with a partner was also something really amazing and encouraging.

BONUS Anecdote

One weekend, we were preparing lunch. And since we both wanted pasta along with other foods, we decided to cook it together, normal. My spaghetti was fine, and for some reason Noura's turned out too thick and watery. Maybe it was because of the sauce, still a mystery to this day! She ate some then "No, I just can't, it's too terrible."

"Let me taste it, it can't be this bad." I took a forkful, and then spit it. "But you have to eat this, we can't throw it away. Haram!"

I came with the idea of offering it to a homeless person near our apartment. After adding some spices and heating it in the microwave many times in hope the water lessens a bit, I did. I gave it to a woman, then almost ran. I was afraid she tastes it and insults me or even spit on me! It felt good to help.

But, I've never seen this woman again...Which is scary because I used to see her everyday. "Your spaghetti killed her!! I'm actually worried..."

When we were watching Cloudy with A Chance of Meatballs 2, Noura pointed at this and yelled "My spaghetti" !

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Click here to read why I blog. Also check the first chapter of my story.

So Taylor-Swift-like

Hi, my name is Samaa, I’m almost twenty and I’m a beginner blogger. I used to write my diaries. I've been writing them since I was little actually. Writing has always been my way of pouring my heart out and a great resource for my future self. Honestly, I like to read my old "manuscripts" to see how I solved such and such, screwed up this and totally nailed that. I've even suggested writing down feelings to some friends, even without publishing them. But they never did it because they’re too lazy. Their loss anyway. (Yes, I’m talking about you, Karim)

I swear to God, I was once so mad at a friend that I dedicated some of my precious time and diaries’ pages (they were pink with flowers, don't judge me) to write down every single annoying and/or terrible thing she’s done to me. I started analysing every trait of her character just as if she were a novel character. I’m sometimes crazy, yes. I came to the conclusion that she wasn't a good person though. So who's the crazy person now!?

A week ago or two, a friend of mine went HIKING (and yes, I’m talking about you, NORAN [red angry face]) at Saint Catherine. Cool right?! No! Because we were supposed to go together with a third friend too. I was too excited, before even telling my parents, that I started considering buying some tools and stuff but she bailed on me! But she went with her family. Betrayal. I was so mad at her for a couple of days. I told her I’ll write an article about betrayal because of you and I’m serious. And the Magnificent Meeral said “So Taylor-Swift-like!” which was funny of course, but so true too.

Taylor probably writing down: "This !@$%# just told me to hurry up, stage in 5.  Nobody tells me to hurry up! Note to self: new song soon"

Many of my articles are written after personal experiences even if it’s not really obvious. Sorry not sorry, but blogging has become a kind of therapy to me. I have many things going on in my mind, and keeping them to myself causes chaos in my head and nobody wants that. With a literally busy schedule, I try to write all my thoughts and feelings as much as I can. What was even cooler was that I found support from friends, even friends of friends and total strangers. Some of them telling me they feel the same way too, others acknowledging my writing skills. I'm really glad I finally used my "gift".

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Mother-Daughter Relationships

Some girls have healthy mother-daughter relationships. Others are not quite as lucky. Here are 5 types of complicated mom-daughter relationships, according to my humble opinion with a small amount of research.

1. Too Much Contact

Before you say that I'm overreacting, I've seen young women waiting for their mother's approval, concerning buying their groceries.

I mean, we all like to share our daily events with our mothers, but not in that way. It's unhealthy to call your mama after each and every step you take. "I came home from the supermarket", "I changed and I'll cook now", "Do I put cinnamon on it?" and "Look how it ended up looking!" kind of way. And I swear, I witnessed similar video calls. Yes I said "video".

If you're doing this, then I'm sorry, but you're too dependant on your mother, which will prevent you from growing and learning on your own. Also, it prevents your mother from having fun and learning new things herself! She has a life beyond being a mother, always remember this! And hey, even if your mother is a stay-home mom, you grew up and don't need your diapres to be changed, so leave her alone! She needs a break from you from time to time, really.

Maybe try instead to look for the information yourself instead of asking your mommy. Again, I've been sitting next to a girl who called her mom to ask if Action A is halal or haram. Girrrrl, just google it! Your mother is a human-being, with a degree in a single subject, she doesn't have the answers to everything, and that's okay. Thus, learn to teach yourself. And, grow up. [innocent smile]

2. Wrong Info

Mothers tend, in general, to educate their daughters, stating facts in almost all the fields. But the "back in my days" era was technology-free, which means wrong information circulated more easily than now. In other words, they could've believed in Info A because they heard it on TV for instance, and without a smart-phone to check instantly and only libraries stacked with books to look for Info A at, it was more convenient to believe in Info A. But what if the TV diffused inaccurate information? And then people carried through generations? And I'm talking about all sorts of information.

That's what happens: "No mom, this isn't true, I googled it! They labelled Info A as a myth..."

"No, it's true. I know it. It's a very known-fact."

"Here, look!"

It might look silly and ridiculous to you, but imagine your mother telling you wrong info all the time and you correcting her. She'll go mad, won't she? Hi mama! [smiling and waving] And you, young readers, don't be so hard on them.

3. Fear

"I'm worried about you.", a classic motherly phrase that highlights her instinct towards her little ones. It's great to have someone who worries and cares about you. But if your mother overreacts and forbids you from tons of activities and places, that could be a relationship wrecker. And fun killer for sure!

This could be as a part of #1, Too Much Contact, or it could be a whole new story. Either ways, it puts so much pressure on the girl growing up. She might be too scared to take important steps in her life later on when she has to. The daughter might also lose trust in her mother and seek advice from strangers who aren't trustworthy for sure, but seem more adventurous and fun than her fearful mother.

4. Trust

This lie, that one right here: "I trust you, it's just I don't trust the others." is a blunt insult to your girl. If this isn't a lie, you've got a huge problem, Trust Mother! If you don't trust your own daughter (I can't even process the sentence myself) you should do something about it. I'm unable to even suggest. So you go google it yourself, "young" lady!

If it's not a lie, then you need to talk differently to her, showing her how much she means to you and that you do trust her. Honestly, just don't lie to your kids, and don't yell at me "I'm protecting her!!" because no-one, including you, Missy, likes to be lied at! Keep that in mind..And yeah, keep in mind that a girl needs to be raised by morals that she sees her parent practising too.

5. "Be Home by 8!"

It's a whole different story from #3! This mother is overly strict, for no obvious reasons. She forces rules, without stating any kind of explanation or justification. She treats her daughter(s) as a robot that should follow orders without asking or comprehending.

I'm serious, the girl (might) later on lie to you about where and with whom she's going because you're too strict and stubborn. You, of course, don't want this. Reading a news headline with your daughters picture next to it is no fun, I guarantee.

Dear "Be Home by 8!" Mother, a simple explanation to your kid won't cost you anything, it will even save you the time and effort of yelling at her some extra times because she just doesn't get why Thing B is wrong! Treat you daughter as a grown-up lady with a brain and explain, before ending up with an Oscar-winning liar/actress. 

This article was originally with 10 points, but got split up, so expect a second part soon. [winks]

"Too Young"

As an international university student and a nineteen-year-old girl/ young woman (?) living in the 21st century, I can assure you that this generation's life is really hard. Or at least, harder than you think!

People who grew up in the 70s or 80s can't understand the fact that technology has made our lives (in some aspects) harder rather than faster and better. "You can access information about anything for free in seconds thanks to the internet now! We had to sit in the library for hours to do a research for school!" Yeah sure, but how about, for example, the raise of competitiveness because of the internet. People take online courses now in anything and everything. YouTube tutorials, video-calls with tutors and encyclopaedias, you name it. All of this has made us feel imperfect and not enough. Internet caused other non-technical issues, but old people will never get them so... Let's get to the main point anyway.

Each time I complain about anything, anything, 70s and 80s people go like "You're too young to complain!" and my personal favourite: " What will you do then when you're older, when you'll have actual responsibilities!!?". Well, let me remind you- old people- of something, let me remind you of your own life when you were my age! You lead a pretty simple life, with a normal amount of stress, less competition and more free time. When you were my age, you didn't plan to study or work abroad, which is a hectic procedure: filling forms, writing essays, a lot and a lot of research, planning and too much stress. You were focused on your present with a short vision of the future, unlike me who's planning her entire life right now! When you were my age, you didn't even have a CV! And if you had written it, it would've been pretty empty, you know why? Because the only extracurricular activities you had were for pure pleasure rather than to improve your hiring chances. What a healthy life you lead. I actually slightly envy you. Your life was simpler so please think twice before you accuse us of being lazy or spoiled, because many of our battles came too soon.

I must admit that I'm grateful that I had the chance and means to go to pretty sophisticated schools and do plenty of activities. I'm really thankful that my parents cared about these. But this was truly exhausting for me. Our generation became sleep-deprived too early.