Signs of a Real Friendship

Friendship is not about how much time you spend together or how much you laugh. Those parts could easily be fulfilled since no-one would walk away from you in your best days. Depending on my humble experience in life, almost 21 years, the following are some signs of a real friendship.

Real friends are there for you "when it hasn't been your day, your week, your month or even your year". They offer you all possible kinds of support. They'd do anything to cheer you up, joking, making funny faces, tickling you, silly dancing, you name it. They'll try their best to help you in your issues. If they can't give you solutions to your problems they'll try to ease the pain at least. Having someone to rant to is so rare.

You don't feel ashamed being vulnerable in front of them. No matter how tough or strong you are, you expose your sensitive side to them. If you're like me, a rare crier, you don't feel weak if you cried in front of your close friends. You wouldn't hesitate much. They help you glue your broken parts, with no judgement or underestimation. Your feelings and emotions are valid to them.

You know your friendship is real when you don't think too much before talking with them. They'd never judge your unpopular opinions and views. They'd never broadcast your latest news.

No need for straightforward words when your friends can read your facial expressions like an open book. No matter how hard you're trying to act normal, they'll know you're down. They'll respect your privacy if you're a secretive person or bomb you with questions if you're not. Which is because..

They know what you want and need. Advice? Hugs? A shoulder to cry on? Support? They know it all, and if they don't they'll try their best.

Trust is of course a sign of a true friendship. It's not just for keeping the secrets but it's also trusting that they've got your back. They'll defend you behind your back.

Real friends don't comfort  you with a lie. Instead they tell you straight to your face that you're wrong or you need to improve. For example, when you ask a real friend "What am I doing wrong? Why is my life falling apart" her reply would be something like "Because you don't sleep enough. You need to work out. Stop keeping toxic people around..." This is because true friends want to grow as a person professionally, intellectually and emotionally. Even if they know their reply could upset you now, but they know you'll thank them later.

Don't you some times feel weak? Like, you need support making a call or sending an important email. Well, real ones would be there for you as well. Real ones would write your super important email with you sitting next to them anxiously. Real ones would help you write your CV or look for scholarships when you're too lazy or down to do it yourself. Real friends are basically and unconditionally extra arms and brains. I don't want to brag or anything, but I booked a doctor's appointment for my friend the other day, yeah.

Some of my real friends have a superpower. Yeah, I know, right? When I'm secretly sad, I find them calling, sending me old photos of us and/or memes, randomly complimenting me and checking up on me. "I have the feeling you're not okay." And needless to say, lying to them is useless because they end up knowing.

Another superpower some have is understanding when to give me advice and when to just listen. I wrote a whole article about advice, click here to check it out!

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Mother-Daughter Relationships

Some girls have healthy mother-daughter relationships. Others are not quite as lucky. Here are 5 types of complicated mom-daughter relationships, according to my humble opinion with a small amount of research.

1. Too Much Contact

Before you say that I'm overreacting, I've seen young women waiting for their mother's approval, concerning buying their groceries.

I mean, we all like to share our daily events with our mothers, but not in that way. It's unhealthy to call your mama after each and every step you take. "I came home from the supermarket", "I changed and I'll cook now", "Do I put cinnamon on it?" and "Look how it ended up looking!" kind of way. And I swear, I witnessed similar video calls. Yes I said "video".

If you're doing this, then I'm sorry, but you're too dependant on your mother, which will prevent you from growing and learning on your own. Also, it prevents your mother from having fun and learning new things herself! She has a life beyond being a mother, always remember this! And hey, even if your mother is a stay-home mom, you grew up and don't need your diapres to be changed, so leave her alone! She needs a break from you from time to time, really.

Maybe try instead to look for the information yourself instead of asking your mommy. Again, I've been sitting next to a girl who called her mom to ask if Action A is halal or haram. Girrrrl, just google it! Your mother is a human-being, with a degree in a single subject, she doesn't have the answers to everything, and that's okay. Thus, learn to teach yourself. And, grow up. [innocent smile]

2. Wrong Info

Mothers tend, in general, to educate their daughters, stating facts in almost all the fields. But the "back in my days" era was technology-free, which means wrong information circulated more easily than now. In other words, they could've believed in Info A because they heard it on TV for instance, and without a smart-phone to check instantly and only libraries stacked with books to look for Info A at, it was more convenient to believe in Info A. But what if the TV diffused inaccurate information? And then people carried through generations? And I'm talking about all sorts of information.

That's what happens: "No mom, this isn't true, I googled it! They labelled Info A as a myth..."

"No, it's true. I know it. It's a very known-fact."

"Here, look!"

It might look silly and ridiculous to you, but imagine your mother telling you wrong info all the time and you correcting her. She'll go mad, won't she? Hi mama! [smiling and waving] And you, young readers, don't be so hard on them.

3. Fear

"I'm worried about you.", a classic motherly phrase that highlights her instinct towards her little ones. It's great to have someone who worries and cares about you. But if your mother overreacts and forbids you from tons of activities and places, that could be a relationship wrecker. And fun killer for sure!

This could be as a part of #1, Too Much Contact, or it could be a whole new story. Either ways, it puts so much pressure on the girl growing up. She might be too scared to take important steps in her life later on when she has to. The daughter might also lose trust in her mother and seek advice from strangers who aren't trustworthy for sure, but seem more adventurous and fun than her fearful mother.

4. Trust

This lie, that one right here: "I trust you, it's just I don't trust the others." is a blunt insult to your girl. If this isn't a lie, you've got a huge problem, Trust Mother! If you don't trust your own daughter (I can't even process the sentence myself) you should do something about it. I'm unable to even suggest. So you go google it yourself, "young" lady!

If it's not a lie, then you need to talk differently to her, showing her how much she means to you and that you do trust her. Honestly, just don't lie to your kids, and don't yell at me "I'm protecting her!!" because no-one, including you, Missy, likes to be lied at! Keep that in mind..And yeah, keep in mind that a girl needs to be raised by morals that she sees her parent practising too.

5. "Be Home by 8!"

It's a whole different story from #3! This mother is overly strict, for no obvious reasons. She forces rules, without stating any kind of explanation or justification. She treats her daughter(s) as a robot that should follow orders without asking or comprehending.

I'm serious, the girl (might) later on lie to you about where and with whom she's going because you're too strict and stubborn. You, of course, don't want this. Reading a news headline with your daughters picture next to it is no fun, I guarantee.

Dear "Be Home by 8!" Mother, a simple explanation to your kid won't cost you anything, it will even save you the time and effort of yelling at her some extra times because she just doesn't get why Thing B is wrong! Treat you daughter as a grown-up lady with a brain and explain, before ending up with an Oscar-winning liar/actress. 

This article was originally with 10 points, but got split up, so expect a second part soon. [winks]

"Too Young"

As an international university student and a nineteen-year-old girl/ young woman (?) living in the 21st century, I can assure you that this generation's life is really hard. Or at least, harder than you think!

People who grew up in the 70s or 80s can't understand the fact that technology has made our lives (in some aspects) harder rather than faster and better. "You can access information about anything for free in seconds thanks to the internet now! We had to sit in the library for hours to do a research for school!" Yeah sure, but how about, for example, the raise of competitiveness because of the internet. People take online courses now in anything and everything. YouTube tutorials, video-calls with tutors and encyclopaedias, you name it. All of this has made us feel imperfect and not enough. Internet caused other non-technical issues, but old people will never get them so... Let's get to the main point anyway.

Each time I complain about anything, anything, 70s and 80s people go like "You're too young to complain!" and my personal favourite: " What will you do then when you're older, when you'll have actual responsibilities!!?". Well, let me remind you- old people- of something, let me remind you of your own life when you were my age! You lead a pretty simple life, with a normal amount of stress, less competition and more free time. When you were my age, you didn't plan to study or work abroad, which is a hectic procedure: filling forms, writing essays, a lot and a lot of research, planning and too much stress. You were focused on your present with a short vision of the future, unlike me who's planning her entire life right now! When you were my age, you didn't even have a CV! And if you had written it, it would've been pretty empty, you know why? Because the only extracurricular activities you had were for pure pleasure rather than to improve your hiring chances. What a healthy life you lead. I actually slightly envy you. Your life was simpler so please think twice before you accuse us of being lazy or spoiled, because many of our battles came too soon.

I must admit that I'm grateful that I had the chance and means to go to pretty sophisticated schools and do plenty of activities. I'm really thankful that my parents cared about these. But this was truly exhausting for me. Our generation became sleep-deprived too early.