Starting Over.

An anonymous contribution.

Credit: minhamakeglamour.com

Ending a relationship is hard on so many levels. One of the hardest parts for me is the notion of starting all over with someone new. It's scary.

It's scary that after investing in a friendship and then a relationship, I have to throw all of that away. It's what Coldplay described as "When you love someone and it goes to waste". All of this effort becomes...nothing. A void. Zero.

After exposing my deepest fears, saddest memories, issues and small details, I have to re-do all of that again. And of course, what I've told before day by day, would be said now in a sentence. A sentence that might include the most important parts of what happened, but would never show the emotions I've lived. "I had many issues" would replace months or even years of agony. Where my then-lover was a shoulder to cry on, listener and problem solver. Where he was the bright side of my shattered life. The highlight of my gloomy days.

All the inside jokes, catch phrases and common interests are meaningless now. I hate it when I accidentally use them with someone else, because I know only him could understand.

It needs a lot of energy. A new will to commit and communicate. And a bunch of other things. Because my walls have been broken down by my ex-lover but were doubled up once he broke my heart.

Is it even possible to trust someone again and expose myself this much? Was I even wrong to do it before? 

But I know that eventually, I'll move on. Because I've done it before.

Also, click here for a related article.

If you liked or related to this article somehow, give it a thumbs up and don't be so shy to leave a comment, I won't bite, I swear! 

You can also be notified by email, click here.

My Trip to Berlin

Hi! It's been a while since my last article, I know! I have a good excuse though, I was planning for my vacation, studying and then at Berlin. I've always wanted to go to Berlin to make use of my not-so-advanced German. I liked it very much, beyond the language part, so let's get started!

A selfie in front of the Reichstags Building. This was the sky's colour by the way.

Planning Phase

Shortly after I decided to go on a vacation during spring break, I searched for a European city that a) isn't far and b) interests me. Berlin was the ideal option. Few days before leaving Paris, I had to do some research: museums, transportation passes, food, weather.... I've never been a museum and history enthusiast, but I tried to change this by forcing myself to try.

I downloaded Google Trips app which is really useful to organise your day, where you save the places that interest you and get the directions for them easy peasy lemon squeezy. Some bookings and purchases were done and I was ready to go.

Huge Mistake

Since I decided really late to go to Berlin, I had to go by bus as the plane tickets were almost double the normal price. But the bus was a terrible idea, especially for someone with car sickness, the irony. I bought some pills in hope to reduce the sickness and I tried to convince myself that they were working. Also, I had no time to pack some snacks and I forgot my water bottle in the big backpack so I was starving and thirsty for some hours until we stopped for thirty minutes in Belgium. My planning was kilometres away from perfection, but I survived the bus trip of 20 hours (?!).

Day 1

It began at 6 am on the 11th of April, after my arrival at the main bus station of Berlin. I was supposed to go to my host's home, I had the directions and everything. I had to buy the bus ticket from the machine, but unfortunately  it didn't accept credit cards for some mysterious reasons. And also because I had no time, I haven't had any cash. So I went on a discovery trip to find the nearest ATM. I was praying the whole time that I'd work. It did, thank God! After being lost for some time, I made it back to the station. I waited for the bus for 20 minutes and then it passed me without stopping! I was perplexed because I was sitting in the station waiting.. I learned the hard way that they only stop if I stand up at the edge of the pavement. (Which is not the case at Paris by the way). The ride was almost an hour!

When I arrived home, the host, Ela, welcomed me with a warm smile and asked me what took me so long (three hours) to reach home. I explained the whole thing while we had breakfast. I took a shower and changed and then took off to go sightseeing a bit. Even though I was super tired. But, I don't get to visit Berlin everyday, so..!

The fountain.

I went to Checkpoint Charlie where I felt like being somewhere else. Then I went to the Berlin Cathedral Church but didn't go inside, because it wasn't free, which is weird. The Cathedral was so beautiful and I adored the light blue domes and statues. Then I went to the Funkturm, the fountain that has Triton (I hope) and I don't know its name. The weather was cold by then but the sky was blue and the sun was shining so I decided to sit on a bench and read a little while having a snack (a sweet nutty German thing Ela helped me pick). I was too happy then.

I brought some souvenirs from Alexanderplatz and then went home. We cooked dinner, also something "German": asparagus, boiled potatoes and Hollandaise sauce, I really liked it. Even thought it was so weird eating whole boiled potatoes. I chilled at home a bit then I went to bed. It was of course early, but since I hadn't slept well in the bus I had to.

Day 2

Reconciliation statue.

I woke up relatively early, we had breakfast and then I took off. Bernauer Straße (street) was my target. During Berlin division, the windows of the buildings in this street were used to escape the western side. Also, some short tunnels were dug. Of course, there were fatalities during these escape missions. There is a reconciliation statue few meters away from the street's famous buildings. Next to this, there's a small chapel: Die Kapelle der Versöhnung (The Chapel of Reconciliation), small and simple but warm and beautiful. 

Reichstag Building.

I took the S-bahn and went to the Reichstag Building. A mixture of modern architecture (the glass dome) and the 19th century architecture (the rest of the building). Brandenburg Gate is a walking distance away. It used to mark the start of the Berlin- Brandenburg road. I visited next the memorial to the murdered Jews of Europe.

It was lunch time by then, so I ate at a vegetarian Asian restaurant. (I should've packed lunch with me instead, but totally forgot)

East Side Art.

A trip to the eastern side took place then. I really enjoyed the East Side Gallery, which had tons of different street art/ graffiti.

Computerspieleinmuseum
Selfie!

What I visited next has to be the coolest museum ever! Computerspieleinmuseum! (Museum of Video-games) It showed the evolution of video games, from chess to Xbox. Even though it was super small for a museum, but it was a unique experience to be honest. I strongly recommend!!

Then, I returned home and had a light dinner then stayed in bed till I fell asleep, I can't remember really. I was exhausted anyway from all the walking and wandering!

Turkish Breakfast!

Day 3

I woke up relatively energetic and decided to have breakfast with Ela at a café nearby. The weather was good enough to make me want to eat outside in the semi-sunny weather. 

A Time-line of Germany, Historische Museum.

I then headed to the Historische Museum. Ela warned me of how big it was. But I wasn't expecting it to be this big! Germany's history turned out to be impressively long, guys! I spent around three hours, even though I didn't read the descriptions thoroughly in the last exhibitions. I had to have many pauses and an apple pie break in the middle.

Since I was exhausted from standing for so long and my back was hurting so bad, I didn't visit any other museum that day, even though I wanted to. I went to the Mall of Berlin, I enjoyed the walk in the sun to get there but didn't buy anything at last. Except for a sweater from a shop somewhere with "Berlin" on it, I'm sorry, but I had to! 

There was a beautiful cathedral nearby (with a splendid light blue dome as well) so I thought maybe I can go to the mass. But then my host told me it'd be for an hour long at least so I took off. 

Dinner: Spätzle.

I returned home, replaced my banana bag by a normal handbag and Ela and I went to eat at a small restaurant at a walking distance. We, as usual, chatted during the walk, about almost everything. We had Spätzle which is a pasta (that looks like weird French fries) and some stuff on it: lentille for me and cheese for Ela. We drank some German soda/ jus drink. End of day 3.

Day 4- Last Day

I was really sad leaving Berlin...

Neues Museum.

Charlottenburg Schloss.

My bus was at 8 pm so I had so much time on my hands.  The Neues (new) Museum was my first destination; it had an Egyptian exhibition and Nefertiti's head statue. I didn't visit the other exhibitions because they were similar to the ones I've visited in the Louvre. 

I met up with two Indonesian girls from Couchsurfing, Sarah, who was visiting as well, and Rima, who's studying in Berlin. We had lunch together, Turkish kebab for me and a burger for Sarah I then went to the Charlottenburg Schloss (castle). And again, the light domes never failed to amaze me! 


I waited for Rima to drop her friend off and then we had dessert and coffee at a cosy homelike café. A cherry cake with decaf black coffee and a cheesecake and cappuccino for my new friend. 

Cherry cake and coffee!

Rima insisted on helping me go to the bus station and long story short, we ran A LOT and changed transportation a couple of times. The good news is that we arrived half an hour early! Which is a victory for your fashionably late blogger (I'm trying to change I swear).

Final Thoughts

I did it on my own! I DID IT, I DID IT! A year ago, the idea of travelling alone and couchsurfing seemed deadly to me. It seemed as something impossible, but here I am, a beginner solo traveller.

I did it despite every single unadventurous soul that doubted I'd enjoy it alone. Well, having company is great but being alone is also good. I got to do what I wanted when I wanted. I got to stare at the paintings that interested me without someone yawning next to me. Most importantly, if you wait for someone to be available to come along you might end up not going at all. Bottom line: don't depend on anyone to travel.

Credit: germanyflag.facts.co

As for Berlin itself, it's great! I was afraid it wouldn't be much different than Paris, but thank God it betrayed my expectations. I'll definitely go back for more local spots or something.

Also a huge thank you to Ela for welcoming me and being such a great host in general and Rima for helping me go to the bus station on time! Shout-out to that friend who kept encouraging me to go beyond my boundaries but also yelled at me for not telling anyone prior my trip.

If you liked this article, give it a +1 and share it with your friends! Follow me on +Google for more!! You can also be notified by email, click here. 

I Grew Up - 20.0

Warning: long article! A sequel is highly possible. 

Today, I'm celebrating my 20th birthday. So many mixed feelings. Joy, fear, sadness, pride. Loneliness. Your texts, voice notes, photos and calls made my day, thank you everyone! [virtual hugs and kisses]

So lucky that my phone captures the selfie when it detects the smile! This, of course, isn't a home-made tarte...

Nevertheless, I decided to write what I've learnt and did so far during my long (yes, long) life.

During the last few months, I read much more novels and articles about politics, geography, history and biology because I truly suck at them. And I only read articles because I wouldn't be able to finish a whole book on any of these subjects, to be completely honest with you. It felt amazing having some information to discuss with people. I no longer felt ignorant as I used to feel while people brought up subjects I had no idea about. Some new friends even complimented my knowledge, which even pushed me to read more.

I had the habit of deleting toxic people from my life. This year, I understood the effects these people's mean harsh words had on me. I blocked them from social media and ended our friendships. Because....

I put myself first. I am my first priority. Some people would find this statement a bluntly selfish one, but no. I chose to put my happiness and health on top of my priorities for many reasons. I'm not selfish, but I'm not about the sacrifice life too. I won't harm myself to make anyone happy. I help colleagues, friends and family as much as I can of course, but without throwing myself under the bus to do so. 

I realized that not getting some people's validation used to hurt me, especially if it's a close person, but not any more. I no longer wait for people's approval of my choices and decisions. I do what I believe is right (in reference to religion, of course, and my own morals and rules).

I take care of myself. Even in the simplest ways. I try as much as I can to eat healthily, take care of my imperfect skin, terrible knees, sensitive colon, horrible back, you get my point...! No-one will be there for me when I'm 30 looking 50. Easy daily steps make the difference.

I give more and more compliments. Only genuine ones. Telling someone they're smart or beautiful won't diminish your own intelligence or beauty. Telling someone they're smart or beautiful will not only make them happy but it'll make you happy too. Spread the love! 

Now, let's talk about money! I have my own bank account, which is really cool, even though my father's still financially supporting me. But it feels great to be sort of independent. I keep on trying to save money, I fail nine times out of ten, but that's okay.

On a work level, I have a professional CV now and a good cover letter. I also have a LinkedIn account, which turned out to be really how people get jobs these days. Currently, I have no job, but I'm trying to get one. Pray for me.

I'm not so scared of sending emails (especially to professors at college and CEOs). I used to be so scared of even talking to my teacher at my French school. I once sent a teacher a text by mistake and I started panicking for real. But he was a really cool teacher and he took it lightly. I still, however, proof-read any email at least three times, fearing forgetting a comma or being too friendly. But I always end up pressing the send button and getting a reply shortly after with, some times, "okay"only.

Even though I started my driving classes at the age of 17 and finishing most of the classes, I don't have a driving license. My parents were too conscious about letting me drive, no matter how many times my dad sat next to me and observed my awesome driving skills. (I'm kidding, they were only fine). I've always wanted to drive, for some reason I don't even know. I know that driving in Paris isn't really practical and driving in Egypt is nerve-wrecking, but I need to get it out of my system! One day, one day.

I don't judge. I've met people from everywhere who have different morals and thoughts and lifestyles. I genuinely don't judge them even if what they're doing contradicts my own morals and rules. The differences can't stop us from being acquaintances or even friends! A younger version of me would've stayed away from them, so she won't be influenced by them. But I'm mature enough now.

I finally blog! Which is something I've wanted for so long. In order to not repeat myself, here's Why do I REALLY Blog.

Click here to read the second part, I Grew Up 20.1! 

If you liked this article, give it a +1 and share it with your friends! Follow me on +Google for more!! You can also be notified by email, click here. 

Why Do I REALLY Blog?

I get asked a lot why I blog, which I find stupid and illogical honestly. It's like asking someone why they post pictures on Instagram, draw comics or read a book...! And since blogging has become an important part of my life for the past months, I think it deserves a final explanation on why I chose it as a hobby.

This article may or may not be updated or edited in the future. Also, sequels may or may not be an option as well.

I've been writing my diaries since I was little. I'm not sure if I've ever shared this before or not, but I've recently found an old diary dating 2006! TWO THOUSAND SIX! Of course, the events documented there are as simple and cute as me obsessing over sea shells I've collected when I was at the beach, but it counts as diary, right? (I mean I still obsess over sea shells and other kids stuff, but back to the initial topic.) I loved documenting my life at this point even if I just ate my favorite chocolate fudge or bought a cute blouse. I loved making these little things last forever.

Me writing in my gang's then-Burn-Book, 2011.

When I grew up and went to middle school ("OMG, I'm finally a teenager!" like), my experiences with people became more complicated. I started writing again, so my diaries would become a future reference, which is really helpful by the way. Reading old ones makes me feel stronger. Makes me motivated to conquer the current issues I have. And as I shared in the So Taylor-Swift-Like article, writing annoying things people did to me helped me figure out their unhealthy patterns and their effects on me.

As I'm currently living abroad, I get asked the same questions many many times, even when I summed them up in another article, dedicated for the  FAQs, it seemed to not  be enough. Even with the constant updates. How's life, college, food, the city and the French themselves. So many questions. My acquaintances need more details and I find it easier to write it once and for all. If anyone asks me a question, I just send him the link to the article explaining in details. You might find it rude, but imagine being asked the same questions a hundred times and being expected to answer with an essay with a limit of 100 words! What is that, a cover letter?

I'm the kind of person who'd go back and read her own old articles and drown in nostalgia, so let me enjoy this. Let me be happy doing what I like and stop judging me or telling me to stop or change the way I do it. Now, don't get me wrong, all pieces of advice are appreciated, but commands aren't. Because I do really love blogging, I've always loved writing. You have no idea how much this small success of my blog means to me.

Have a nice day, fellow human!


If you liked this article, give it a +1 and share it with your friends! Follow me on +Google for more!! You can also be notified by email, click here. 

FIFTY SHADES ROOMMATE-R

Hi, remember us, Samaa and Noura, the roommates? Well, we've got some new craziness to share with you. So buckle your seatbelt and come on board! If you haven't read the first part, click here.

Eating Nutella, banana and almonds crêpe.

1. Telepathy

We reached an advanced point in communication. I told her "Let's get dressed and go! I will bring the thingy to buy the thingy" She replied with a simple okay. I asked if she even got what I was saying, because she was texting and not 100% focused for sure, she actually translated what I said. I was really proud. "Next, telepathy, then!"

2. Sharing has NO END

During the Amy crisis, I shared with her almost the full story. I needed someone to talk to without judging or arguing. But there are also the trivial stories, information and anecdotes that are shared all the time, it's a whole package.

3. Shame on You!

How often do you get an email offering a JOB anyway? It's really rare. I find it impossible. But yet, it happened to Noura.

She got an email offering her a really great job in the UK! After the cheers and screams and high-fives, Noura got serious and "I'm afraid it's a scam!" she muttered.

"What?!"

And then an FBI-like investigation took place. LinkedIn, email adresses, Facebook, the company's website, we missed Twitter though. But we came to a conclusion! It wasn't a scam. Then it was. Then after ten more times, we were sure, it was a scam! If an FBI officer is reading this, we could use some jobs over here, thanks!

Noura is no regular young woman, she didn't just ignore the email. She replied and here's the email to get the image. You go Noura!!

4. Cease the Chance

Every single thing that faces you, is an "unceased" opportunity. That's sort of our motto. The scam incident was a great excuse to contact the company for instance. Asking even friends for some extra help and job/internship hunting. 

5. DJ Sky

Living with someone with the exact opposite taste in music is a true struggle! I adore music, not all the types though. Listening to music most of the time is a part of my soul. But when I'm forced to listen to creepy lame Egyptian songs, I just can't! Humans invented headphones and earphones for a reason, Noura! 
"Give me the DJ task" say I frequently.

"No, not you!"

"Oh really"

Then an emotional wedding song is played. God, help me!

I'm glad that she, at last, listened to me and bought headphones. 

6. Wrong Name

It's a universally-known fact that a girl gets angry when you get her name wrong. I used to call Noura by Salma at first, the name of my ex-roommate. And then I got confused between Nour (a friend, Nour means light in Arabic) and Noura, like ALL THE TIME. Especially when I have one of them on the phone and the other in front of me. "Nour, no, Noura, ugh, Nour!! What do you think about...??"

Adding to the mix, I have a close friend and a cousin both called Nouran. So that's too much light for me, honestly.

7. Nicknames

Now that's a different topic. Noura invented a nickname for me. I didn't like it all and asked to change it. "No I like it!"

"Then I'll invent a disgusting nickname for you and keep calling you by!"

"Fine!"

After two minutes of throwing nicknames at her and getting an approval, "What about Nounou?"

"I like it!"

God, am I the only picky one here, or what?!
Two weeks later, and I still call her Noura.

8. No Getting Over... the Dishes

There are always dishes that need to be done. Either in the sink, on the desk or on the "kitchen" table. Sometimes, someone goes full Katniss Everdeen and volunteers, but sometimes "You will do the dishes today! I did them for us many times!". So I have to zip it and put my gloves on. Yes, I put gloves while doing the dishes, because I have sensitive hands, even though I'm not sensitive myself.

Other cleaning tasks don't seem to bother us much, each does them when she feels like it. No rush, either because they're not as frequently needed as the dishes or because we're racist towards the dishes. Still not sure.

9.  "I'm great"

In an attempt to raise my self-esteem and general mood, I encourage myself after every task with "I'm great". Sounds a bit narcissist, I know, but I'm just too much. And according to the yelling roommate, it's also annoying. Sometimes I'm sweet, I promise, and I tell her and other people that they're great! Especially when she tries something new or just randomly. If I tell you that you're great, it means I love you. 

10. The Help

I must admit Noura pushed me to do many things. Like yelling at the kids who speak out loud during the lectures, I have no idea why are they attending if they don't want to listen. That's another story though. It felt great to shut them up, politely. Praying with a partner was also something really amazing and encouraging.

BONUS Anecdote

One weekend, we were preparing lunch. And since we both wanted pasta along with other foods, we decided to cook it together, normal. My spaghetti was fine, and for some reason Noura's turned out too thick and watery. Maybe it was because of the sauce, still a mystery to this day! She ate some then "No, I just can't, it's too terrible."

"Let me taste it, it can't be this bad." I took a forkful, and then spit it. "But you have to eat this, we can't throw it away. Haram!"

I came with the idea of offering it to a homeless person near our apartment. After adding some spices and heating it in the microwave many times in hope the water lessens a bit, I did. I gave it to a woman, then almost ran. I was afraid she tastes it and insults me or even spit on me! It felt good to help.

But, I've never seen this woman again...Which is scary because I used to see her everyday. "Your spaghetti killed her!! I'm actually worried..."

When we were watching Cloudy with A Chance of Meatballs 2, Noura pointed at this and yelled "My spaghetti" !

If you liked this article, give it a +1 and share it with your friends! Follow me on +Google for more!! You can also be notified by email, click here. 

Click here to read why I blog. Also check the first chapter of my story.

So Taylor-Swift-like

Hi, my name is Samaa, I’m almost twenty and I’m a beginner blogger. I used to write my diaries. I've been writing them since I was little actually. Writing has always been my way of pouring my heart out and a great resource for my future self. Honestly, I like to read my old "manuscripts" to see how I solved such and such, screwed up this and totally nailed that. I've even suggested writing down feelings to some friends, even without publishing them. But they never did it because they’re too lazy. Their loss anyway. (Yes, I’m talking about you, Karim)

I swear to God, I was once so mad at a friend that I dedicated some of my precious time and diaries’ pages (they were pink with flowers, don't judge me) to write down every single annoying and/or terrible thing she’s done to me. I started analysing every trait of her character just as if she were a novel character. I’m sometimes crazy, yes. I came to the conclusion that she wasn't a good person though. So who's the crazy person now!?

A week ago or two, a friend of mine went HIKING (and yes, I’m talking about you, NORAN [red angry face]) at Saint Catherine. Cool right?! No! Because we were supposed to go together with a third friend too. I was too excited, before even telling my parents, that I started considering buying some tools and stuff but she bailed on me! But she went with her family. Betrayal. I was so mad at her for a couple of days. I told her I’ll write an article about betrayal because of you and I’m serious. And the Magnificent Meeral said “So Taylor-Swift-like!” which was funny of course, but so true too.

Taylor probably writing down: "This !@$%# just told me to hurry up, stage in 5.  Nobody tells me to hurry up! Note to self: new song soon"

Many of my articles are written after personal experiences even if it’s not really obvious. Sorry not sorry, but blogging has become a kind of therapy to me. I have many things going on in my mind, and keeping them to myself causes chaos in my head and nobody wants that. With a literally busy schedule, I try to write all my thoughts and feelings as much as I can. What was even cooler was that I found support from friends, even friends of friends and total strangers. Some of them telling me they feel the same way too, others acknowledging my writing skills. I'm really glad I finally used my "gift".

If you liked this article, give it a +1 and share it with your friends! Follow me on +Google for more!! You can also be notified by email, click here. 

My Relationship with Reading

I love reading but I'm not a "bookworm". I read mostly novels. All the scientific content I read is online, just few articles, and I fail to finish them. All the time. I have my own bookcase but it's not filled with books the way ideal bookcases look. I haven't even read every single book I own. I'm a terrible reader. Also, due to this occasional awful habit of mine. The habit of starting a book A, disliking it, leaving it, beginning A again, disliking, quitting for months, starting a new book, another and then finally reading A. And what's really mysterious is how do I finally get to finish the whole thing WHILE enjoying it? Some of these books end up ranking on top of my favourites. Magic!

I take novels too seriously. My mood changes with the actions, even my facial expressions do: surprised, sad or disgusted. It's fine, unless I'm reading in public in front of nosy strangers! The characters' tension becomes mine, their struggle, their experience... I relate to their pain even if I haven't lived such situation, yet. I take novels too seriously, I spend time thinking about the characters and daydreaming. I learn from them more than I should, since the events are unrealistic: too perfect or too depressing. Always the extremes. Murders. Eternal love. Adventures. Betrayal. All of these have nothing to do with my life, but I still learn from the characters and invent my own lessons. I bet the authors would be really astonished if they read my review on their books, like "But I didn't intend this!" and "Where the hell did she get this from?". Imagination!

It's a universal fact that books are better than movies. Deeper, filled with emotions and more fun. This is due to the time limit in the movies and changing the character's appearance, settings and dialogue. My reaction to the movies based on books is always extreme. It's like I was the author and the recreation offended me!

On the bright side, I do read now. When I was younger, I had a phase where I hated reading. I don't remember the details, but reading was torture to me. I'm not sure if a good book changed my view on reading or just growing up did it, but I'm slightly proud that I read. Currently, I read while I'm in the métro only, although I wasn't feeling it, and most importantly feared I'd get too engaged I'd miss my stop. It worked well and I've finished a novel faster than expected with zero missed stops!

What's even better than being too engaged and influenced by a novel, is discussing it. Or debating. I don't often find friends who have read the same books as me and when I do it's not easy to start such a conversation some times. It gets awkward, if you know what I mean. And not everyone is excited about it too, unfortunately. I had the idea of starting a book club but got busy and forgot all about it. Online book clubs didn't appeal to me.