13 Methods How

As a human with a suicidal girl in my life, Amy, I feel personally affected by the whole subject of self-harm and suicide. I want to help, even though I'm not sure I can. I want to understand so I avoid saying wrong useless clichés like "You should just stop thinking about it." I'm unable to fully process the issue, but I try to listen and let her just complain, yell or cry. 

A Remarkable Scene in the Show.

Have you heard about 13 Reasons Why? (Bonus question: did you watch it?).  In case you haven't let me introduce it with no spoilers. It's a series telling the story of a girl who's committed suicide and left tapes for the people responsible. Some of the people who hurt her had no clue they even did. Or, to be precise, didn't imagine it being that serious anyway. But the end result was some of them denying and others feeling guilty after they listened to the tapes. The series became so famous, leaving the viewers rethinking their smallest actions and their effect on others' lives.

Few days ago, I shared this article on Facebook, really well-expressed, check it out. What was rewarding was the fact that a friend of a friend encouraged his colleagues to hangout with a lonely girl at college because of this article. He didn't just read the article and move on with his life, he took a huge step. Did he change her life? I hope so.

So what's my article trying to teach you? I'm sure you're feeling lost and confused by now, but bear with me. 

In a time where teenagers and young adults have more on their minds than you could imagine, we can't shut our eyes to the amount of stress they already have because of education and activities (at least). Their depression and sadness can't be ignored. They shouldn't be treated as punching bags for older people to get rid of their own anger and hurt. They should be taken seriously when they complain or show pain. There's nothing such as "You're too young to be depressed" or "What did you face in your life that was so painful, anyway?".

As for the fellow adults you come across everyday, be kind to them as much as you can. Give warm compliments randomly, maybe your compliment make their day. Maybe they'd feel better about themselves because of you. Tell them you love them. Appreciate their work. Life's too short to stay mad at people for long.

Your words and actions can hurt others without you even noticing, because people are different. And, if you intentionally hurt others, you deep down know it, even if you keep denying it. It's never too late to make it right, unless the victim attempts suicide, then yes it is late. 

So instead of regretting bullying or abusing a person who chose to take their own life, I advice you to step forward and do the right thing while you still can. Suicide, in my humble opinion, can be avoided if people stopped being mean and inconsiderate. I'm not going to say "Suicide is a permanent decision for temporary problems" and all the other good stuff, because it's more effective to stop people from pushing the victims to end their lives in the first place.

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Mother-Daughter Relationships 2

As I promised, here is the second part of Mother-Daughter Relationships. Click here to read the first one, first.

6. New Priorities

This is a mother who found a new person or thing to offer love and time, instead of her own daughter. Either it's a new baby, a new husband or even a new hobby, the girl feels left out and neglected. This is very dangerous, because, again, the girl could hurt herself looking for help and support from strangers who seemed more interested in her, than her mother. 

If the girl has enough courage to face her mommy, or if a family friend stepped up and did it, there might be a chance to fix the situation. That is, of course, if the mother isn't selfish or crazy.

7. Norm

Healthy mother and daughter with a normal relationship. No drama. No lies.

The mother is loving and caring: hugs, kisses and encouragement. The daughter gives like what she receives as well. Since this mother is a good listener and not too strict, the daughter has some freedom and doesn't need to do anything behind her mother's back

On the long run, the child tends to find comfort and security in her mother's presence, she asks her for her opinion and advice.

8. The Cold Bothers Me Anyway

She's not emotionally available for her kids, she does't hug and kiss them. Doesn't tell them she loves them.She could also be described as "unloving". As if this woman didn't have motherhood instinct in her DNA package. Labelling a mother as unloving and cold is still not very socially-acceptable, even though it is true. Not very common, but true.


A daughter of such a mother doesn't feel lovable or worthy of affection. This leads to lack of confidence and courage and self-hate. Also, many trust issues and troubles setting boundaries in her relationships. She constantly tries to please her mother and gain her love, but her attempts are all disappointing.

The girl could turn out as cold as her parent, an infinite cycle then.

9. Indifferent

Indifferent, mean and sarcastic, what could be a worse mix? She could be unloving as well, but it's not always necessary. 

The achievements don't mean anything to her, the failures are mean jokes material. She's too much stress and pressure in her daughter's life. Never satisfied with her or what she does. Never acknowledges her, as if the daughter has never helped her any way.

Infinite cycle, anyone?

10. Breaking a Leg

Her motive could be " I'm doing this because I want the best for you", but deep down, she physically abuses her child as a sort of revenge. Not even necessarily from the child herself. (Even if the child did something wrong she shouldn't be harmed, of course). She has issues and any child's mistake, like breaking a vase or getting bad grades at school, provokes her and seems to her enough to hit her and get rid of all the anger...

An abused child tends to be abusive as well even at young age. Her younger siblings, cousins and colleagues are potential victims. The irony is that, the abusive parent, would punish her for being agressive with them! As for her relationship with her mother, it falls apart gradually. 

Final Word 

If you're a daughter of a bad mom, being aware of her destructiveness and how you life's affected is the first step towards healing. Seeking professional help should also be very helpful. 

If you are a bad mother, and I doubt you'll even notice or label yourself as one but okay, you should identify the reasons of your behaviours, either on your own or thanks to a therapist, and work hard to fix this mess of yours.

Good luck y'all in your journey!

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Fatal Depression

I almost lost a dear person to suicide, but this article isn't about me. It's about Amy, which is obviously not a real name. And before you ask, yes it's a true story.

Amy is a regular young woman. Or at least that's the first impression everyone has. But under the layers of fake smiles and small talks, she's in deep pain. She suffers from depression and after begging her parents, she sought professional help at last.

The therapist prescribed her some anti-depressants after listening to her for two sessions. She took them regularly, believing in the possibility of living a mentally healthier life. Her mood actually improved a lot in a short period of time, which gave some hope to her beloved ones.

Needless to say, she shared the notion of going to a therapist with only few family members and friends, because of the judgements and stupidity people are capable of. Especially in Egypt. Most people think that going to a psychiatrist means you're crazy. 

She kept visiting the therapist and taking the meds, until her father forbade her, thinking she might become addicted to the pills which will lead to an even worse end. That's what he thought, but was it right? Her sleeping cycles once again became a mess and her chats with people became dull and short, again.

Despite having the majority of what a girl needs, the few things that she lacked became larger in her eyes. Her studies were on top of the list, she can't study anymore, she's just too busy thinking everything in her head and probably blaming herself quite a lot too. But all of these are just my own assumptions, since no-one can read her mind. I bet not even her.

I texted her to see what was going on with her life, especially after the trip she went to.

" I went to the hospital" she said.

The first idea that came up to me was a car accident or maybe she fainted or something. But...

" Poisoning"

And before I could ask her about what she ate, she told me she took ten pills..

" The dose turned out to be less than enough for a coma or death"

I tried to be as calm as possible, so I don't ruin everything. "What happened? Was everything in the trip okay?"

"No, nothing happened. I'm just incapable of becoming happy. I can't anymore" Amy told me.

What should be done now? What can be done to prevent a second and probably final attempt? Her way of talking about the whole thing assures me she'll try again. The thought scares me beyond imagination. My friends and family know quite well I'm not the sensitive type, but the whole thing left me sobbing... Blogging became my way of emptying my soul from all the grief and secrets it carries. God help us...!

No Getting Over

Who amongst us hasn't lost someone dear? I find loss a natural aspect each of us lives at one or more periods of his existence. People handle loss and moving-on differently.

But what must be worse than losing a beloved one to death or suicide, is the inability to regain a normal life. Not necessarily a happy one but a "normal" life. A life where you walk in the streets, looking at the stores and coffee shops and restaurants, without recalling the day you spent shopping together for that special event or the morning you had brunch in that restaurant where you shared laughs about a silly hat another customer wore. Or remembering a deep secret they kept with you and only you, even though no surroundings remind you of it, but you remember it anyway.

You lie in your bed, after a long day of human interactions and fake smiles, crying silently and wishing they were there. Asking why and asking God for some help. You keep questioning the existence of a so-called normal life after your loss, and whether you we are eligible for it. Any cheerful thought invading your mind for even a fraction of a second turns into an hour of guilt: "I don't deserve to be happy." and "How can I allow myself to feel okay when he's not here beside me?".

Others expect you to be miserable after a beloved one's death. You seem to disappoint them if you show the least happiness possible. Extremely nosy ones will talk behind your back, the ugliest words, "How could she be this happy after his death", "I thought she loved him" and "She has no heart"...

Do the dead want us to remember them for ever? Are they expecting to be forgotten after a short or long time? Is it a must to forget someone to be able to move on with your life?

Accepting a death and occasionally remembering the person with a warm smile seems science-fiction at first, but I guess everyone achieves this peaceful state at some point or another. The important thing is to not shame someone for moving on quicker than the rest. If you're miserable, stop trying to drag people around you too.