Don't Let Me Down

Being let down sucks. I guess many of my beloved readers could relate to that. But here's my own experience.

Hanging down - 2012

I don't put high hopes and expectations unless I believe in the person. Either out of love, trust or a long history. But most likely, love.

So when I'm let down, it physically hurts me. Beyond imagination . It breaks my heart. I become so angry and could even scream.

I'm usually strong, but when it comes to someone I've deeply loved and trusted, the disappointment and betrayal weaken me.

It takes me some time to fix the broken pieces and be able to stand up again. And of course I lean on other beloved ones to go back to the field and resume the fight.

I don't automatically stop trusting people afterwards. Because everyone is different and it'd be unfair to distrust everyone because of a person, wouldn't it ?

Forgiveness? Yes. I've recently discovered that I don't hold grudges, but only if they come back regretting what they've done. Apologizing isn't even remotely enough for me. I need to feel the remorse and regret. To see, later on, some effort, and eventually, some changes. "Sorry" won't fix anything.

If the regret was followed by another disappointment, it's almost impossible to win me back.

Don't let me down.

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So Taylor-Swift-like

Hi, my name is Samaa, I’m almost twenty and I’m a beginner blogger. I used to write my diaries. I've been writing them since I was little actually. Writing has always been my way of pouring my heart out and a great resource for my future self. Honestly, I like to read my old "manuscripts" to see how I solved such and such, screwed up this and totally nailed that. I've even suggested writing down feelings to some friends, even without publishing them. But they never did it because they’re too lazy. Their loss anyway. (Yes, I’m talking about you, Karim)

I swear to God, I was once so mad at a friend that I dedicated some of my precious time and diaries’ pages (they were pink with flowers, don't judge me) to write down every single annoying and/or terrible thing she’s done to me. I started analysing every trait of her character just as if she were a novel character. I’m sometimes crazy, yes. I came to the conclusion that she wasn't a good person though. So who's the crazy person now!?

A week ago or two, a friend of mine went HIKING (and yes, I’m talking about you, NORAN [red angry face]) at Saint Catherine. Cool right?! No! Because we were supposed to go together with a third friend too. I was too excited, before even telling my parents, that I started considering buying some tools and stuff but she bailed on me! But she went with her family. Betrayal. I was so mad at her for a couple of days. I told her I’ll write an article about betrayal because of you and I’m serious. And the Magnificent Meeral said “So Taylor-Swift-like!” which was funny of course, but so true too.

Taylor probably writing down: "This !@$%# just told me to hurry up, stage in 5.  Nobody tells me to hurry up! Note to self: new song soon"

Many of my articles are written after personal experiences even if it’s not really obvious. Sorry not sorry, but blogging has become a kind of therapy to me. I have many things going on in my mind, and keeping them to myself causes chaos in my head and nobody wants that. With a literally busy schedule, I try to write all my thoughts and feelings as much as I can. What was even cooler was that I found support from friends, even friends of friends and total strangers. Some of them telling me they feel the same way too, others acknowledging my writing skills. I'm really glad I finally used my "gift".

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