Starting Over.

An anonymous contribution.

Credit: minhamakeglamour.com

Ending a relationship is hard on so many levels. One of the hardest parts for me is the notion of starting all over with someone new. It's scary.

It's scary that after investing in a friendship and then a relationship, I have to throw all of that away. It's what Coldplay described as "When you love someone and it goes to waste". All of this effort becomes...nothing. A void. Zero.

After exposing my deepest fears, saddest memories, issues and small details, I have to re-do all of that again. And of course, what I've told before day by day, would be said now in a sentence. A sentence that might include the most important parts of what happened, but would never show the emotions I've lived. "I had many issues" would replace months or even years of agony. Where my then-lover was a shoulder to cry on, listener and problem solver. Where he was the bright side of my shattered life. The highlight of my gloomy days.

All the inside jokes, catch phrases and common interests are meaningless now. I hate it when I accidentally use them with someone else, because I know only him could understand.

It needs a lot of energy. A new will to commit and communicate. And a bunch of other things. Because my walls have been broken down by my ex-lover but were doubled up once he broke my heart.

Is it even possible to trust someone again and expose myself this much? Was I even wrong to do it before? 

But I know that eventually, I'll move on. Because I've done it before.

Also, click here for a related article.

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Advice.

Advice. We've all given and received them at some point of our life. Whether it's good or bad advice. [I'm literally smirking as I write this]

2016 - A photo taken by an anonymous person, if you took it please come forward.
I have no idea what's the context of this photos as well, apart from working on the ROV report, but I felt like it suited the article, so here you go!

Have you ever faced a situation where you felt the urge and need to give advice? Like, for instance, when your friend's complaining about their job, family or partner? Well, don't. Just don't give advice unless you've been asked to. I personally find it really annoying when I get interrupted in the middle of telling an awful experience or problem. And I'm sure many people feel the same way too. A voice in my head screams during such situations something that goes along the lines of: "Stop.", "Just let me rant." and "I just want to get all my emotions and tension out. That's all, I promise." So what should you do instead? I promise you that simply listening is what we want. I p r o m i s e. If we want more, we'll ask. A very helpful thing to do as well is asking your ranter about their feelings and just let them let it all out! "How do you feel about this?" is a magic spell.

Besides this, I do love giving tips and advice. I would be lying if I said I've never given unasked-for advice. I'm sure I've done it, but I won't again. But really, I love advising people. Especially when it's something I'm good at or knowledgeable of. An example of topics I excelled in advising in is studying abroad. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not full of myself, but I've spent all four years of high school searching and asking about colleges abroad that I roughly know the best spot for most of the needs. So when a younger friend asks me about French colleges I feel great when I help them. It feels like donating a part of your brain, if that's not too weird. 

Some times I've been given bad advice. And when I say "bad" I mean unsuitable. If you know me, you'd know that I expect all good intentions from people. So it's not a question of someone trying to hurt me or be better than me, no. It's a matter of giving me advice that worked for them or their friends but won't work for me. Like, for example, if I rant about being short on money and a friend advises me to stop buying mineral water because the tap water is just fine, this won't work for me. I'd be the only homeless drinking mineral water in the world, because I just can't. And yes, water has a taste. And each brand tastes completely different. I swear you could blindfold me and  I'd identify them. But that's not the point of the article, I'll write another one about my tasting sense. Back to the advice.

Other times, I was almost forced to follow the advice. I mean, I get it, this specific piece of advice has changed your entire life, but it still won't work for me, so why insist? Also, why do people feel offended when I don't follow their advice? (Whether I asked for it or not ) I mean I haven't asked for your advice, then you should know why by now. And if I asked you for it but didn't follow it, I swear by God that I've never meant to disrespect you. It's just that I probably asked many people in order to collect ideas and opinions before analysing and deciding. But your opinion and advice still matter to me! And I still love you, yes! And you should understand that if I do ask you for advice, this means you mean a lot to me. Even if I don't follow it. Yes. 

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Signs of a Real Friendship

Friendship is not about how much time you spend together or how much you laugh. Those parts could easily be fulfilled since no-one would walk away from you in your best days. Depending on my humble experience in life, almost 21 years, the following are some signs of a real friendship.

Real friends are there for you "when it hasn't been your day, your week, your month or even your year". They offer you all possible kinds of support. They'd do anything to cheer you up, joking, making funny faces, tickling you, silly dancing, you name it. They'll try their best to help you in your issues. If they can't give you solutions to your problems they'll try to ease the pain at least. Having someone to rant to is so rare.

You don't feel ashamed being vulnerable in front of them. No matter how tough or strong you are, you expose your sensitive side to them. If you're like me, a rare crier, you don't feel weak if you cried in front of your close friends. You wouldn't hesitate much. They help you glue your broken parts, with no judgement or underestimation. Your feelings and emotions are valid to them.

You know your friendship is real when you don't think too much before talking with them. They'd never judge your unpopular opinions and views. They'd never broadcast your latest news.

No need for straightforward words when your friends can read your facial expressions like an open book. No matter how hard you're trying to act normal, they'll know you're down. They'll respect your privacy if you're a secretive person or bomb you with questions if you're not. Which is because..

They know what you want and need. Advice? Hugs? A shoulder to cry on? Support? They know it all, and if they don't they'll try their best.

Trust is of course a sign of a true friendship. It's not just for keeping the secrets but it's also trusting that they've got your back. They'll defend you behind your back.

Real friends don't comfort  you with a lie. Instead they tell you straight to your face that you're wrong or you need to improve. For example, when you ask a real friend "What am I doing wrong? Why is my life falling apart" her reply would be something like "Because you don't sleep enough. You need to work out. Stop keeping toxic people around..." This is because true friends want to grow as a person professionally, intellectually and emotionally. Even if they know their reply could upset you now, but they know you'll thank them later.

Don't you some times feel weak? Like, you need support making a call or sending an important email. Well, real ones would be there for you as well. Real ones would write your super important email with you sitting next to them anxiously. Real ones would help you write your CV or look for scholarships when you're too lazy or down to do it yourself. Real friends are basically and unconditionally extra arms and brains. I don't want to brag or anything, but I booked a doctor's appointment for my friend the other day, yeah.

Some of my real friends have a superpower. Yeah, I know, right? When I'm secretly sad, I find them calling, sending me old photos of us and/or memes, randomly complimenting me and checking up on me. "I have the feeling you're not okay." And needless to say, lying to them is useless because they end up knowing.

Another superpower some have is understanding when to give me advice and when to just listen. I wrote a whole article about advice, click here to check it out!

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Impulsive, Overthinker and Planner

We all know how difficult it is to overthink. Maybe not everyone knows, excuse my generalisation, allow me to explain.

Belgium, after a long day of exploring (and thinking).

I think all the damn time. While showering, cooking, cleaning, in the métro, working out, even while sleeping.  And if I'm not thinking, flashbacks of terrible memories happen. Or maybe stupid things I've done or said. It's mentally exhausting. Energy consuming. And it takes away the beauty in anything I currently have. I keep asking myself and maybe even others "what if..?", "what should I do if..?"...instead of living the moment. To shut my brain down, I resorted to reading when I'm in the métro for example. Listening to music while working out is effective too. It's not enough but it's a pretty good start.

It's even harder being an overthinker and a planner. I don't just plan my whole life ahead but I also can't stop thinking of all the scenarios. No matter how far in the future they are or how hardly possible they are. Plan A, then B, and then C and maybe even till Z. I want to be prepared. If Plan A fails me I want Plan B to rescue me, that's my logic. Even though, many times, I had only one plan that unfortunately failed. After grieving the failure, I made a new sole plan (not so different from the first, to be honest) that eventually worked out. Planning makes me feel safe, but overthinking ruins it for me.

Imagine adding impulsiveness to the mix. It doesn't make any sense, I know. But try for a bit. You can't right?

Well, my impulsiveness is occasional. I can hear you, guys, okay, it's not occasional, more like most of the time. I have no idea how could a person be an overthinker and impulsive simultaneously, but here I am. I could say the most reckless nonsense and then spend years thinking, analysing and regretting. It's a tiring cycle, people. I must admit I'm a little proud of myself for limiting the recklessness. Maturing is so cool, says the same girl who does a dive cartwheel in public, ha ha. I swear I'm maturing in the remaining aspects, though.

Did I forget to mention my permanently high expectations? Maybe next time, see you soon!

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My Personalities

And here I am, finally. Due to many personal and academic obligations, it has been very hard to publish lately. I'm trying as much as possible to include writing in my daily routine, because it's one of my priorities, but some times it's hard. I'm sure my beloved readers understand.

I have to admit, I have multiple personalities. Some people might call this sides of the same person, but to me, they're sort of very different disconnected people.

Decision Maker: this is the master mind, obviously. The voice inside my head and the most assertive version of me. She's assertive (and bossy) to the rest of them, most importantly, and to basically anyone else.

Romantic Samaa: she's been locked in the attic her whole life.  You can imagine how weird and awkward she is. And she rarely shows up during the kissing scenes in movies. Last witnessed in the year.. um.. She's probably gone missing. Next..!

10-year-old: the one who suggests the most reckless actions. She's responsible for all the crazy last-minute plans and actions. Blinded by her passions, she has no boundaries. Every road to a desire of hers is a straight line.

Savage Samaa: my favorite one. Prepare some cold water before dealing with her cause the burns are real. She's not afraid of dancing around the lines, never crossed them though.

Sensitive Samaa: somehow she's there. She knows quite well she doesn't belong, but she stays nevertheless. But at least, she's not emotional enough to cry over every single thing. She's the one of the least apparent Samaas. She's always there, but backstage, for very few people to see.

Fun Sky: the one responsable for the jokes and excessive laughter. She's so extrovert it might scare new acquaintances. Especially if they're a little shy. Loves memes and comics more than anything else in the world. Capable of dancing anywhere, not caring for strangers' glares.

Moods: the most annoying one, cause to be completely honest all of them are (to an extent). She hates everyone including herself.. She's currently packing her stuff and prepared for leaving for good. Nobody is going to miss her and they made it clear.

The Realest: the one who'd tell you straight to your face that you basically suck. She and the Decision Maker get along. So, yeah. If you come to Samaa for advice, she's the one handling it.

Teddy Bear: the cute one. The one who shows love and affection, gives compliments and heartfelt life advice. She could tell you out of the blue that she loves you and appreciates your existence. A new member.

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13 Methods How

As a human with a suicidal girl in my life, Amy, I feel personally affected by the whole subject of self-harm and suicide. I want to help, even though I'm not sure I can. I want to understand so I avoid saying wrong useless clichés like "You should just stop thinking about it." I'm unable to fully process the issue, but I try to listen and let her just complain, yell or cry. 

A Remarkable Scene in the Show.

Have you heard about 13 Reasons Why? (Bonus question: did you watch it?).  In case you haven't let me introduce it with no spoilers. It's a series telling the story of a girl who's committed suicide and left tapes for the people responsible. Some of the people who hurt her had no clue they even did. Or, to be precise, didn't imagine it being that serious anyway. But the end result was some of them denying and others feeling guilty after they listened to the tapes. The series became so famous, leaving the viewers rethinking their smallest actions and their effect on others' lives.

Few days ago, I shared this article on Facebook, really well-expressed, check it out. What was rewarding was the fact that a friend of a friend encouraged his colleagues to hangout with a lonely girl at college because of this article. He didn't just read the article and move on with his life, he took a huge step. Did he change her life? I hope so.

So what's my article trying to teach you? I'm sure you're feeling lost and confused by now, but bear with me. 

In a time where teenagers and young adults have more on their minds than you could imagine, we can't shut our eyes to the amount of stress they already have because of education and activities (at least). Their depression and sadness can't be ignored. They shouldn't be treated as punching bags for older people to get rid of their own anger and hurt. They should be taken seriously when they complain or show pain. There's nothing such as "You're too young to be depressed" or "What did you face in your life that was so painful, anyway?".

As for the fellow adults you come across everyday, be kind to them as much as you can. Give warm compliments randomly, maybe your compliment make their day. Maybe they'd feel better about themselves because of you. Tell them you love them. Appreciate their work. Life's too short to stay mad at people for long.

Your words and actions can hurt others without you even noticing, because people are different. And, if you intentionally hurt others, you deep down know it, even if you keep denying it. It's never too late to make it right, unless the victim attempts suicide, then yes it is late. 

So instead of regretting bullying or abusing a person who chose to take their own life, I advice you to step forward and do the right thing while you still can. Suicide, in my humble opinion, can be avoided if people stopped being mean and inconsiderate. I'm not going to say "Suicide is a permanent decision for temporary problems" and all the other good stuff, because it's more effective to stop people from pushing the victims to end their lives in the first place.

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Who is SKY?

I usually don't care about other people's opinion, but when it comes to the people I choose by my side (AKA almost only the 200 Facebook friends I have) I definitely care about their opinions and advice.

I asked friends and family to describe me and this is what they said (with minor editing). Each statement is followed by the relationship type (whether friendship, blood or acquaintance) then its length. Now you know me a little better! This article may be updated later. Also, super long. Enjoy!

"I see her I tickle pink. I know distance will never tear us apart. Boredom never crossed my road walking with her, I'm just myself in her presence. One of the few persons that I can trust or actually not a few, there's no one else I can trust. I really have to work on my "texting" for her, she deserves it" -friend, 6 years.

"Samaa is a cheerful, helpful person. She's funny and has a good sense of humour. Not dumb at all and not arrogant" -friend, 8 months.

"An energetic, friendly and sociable person who is not afraid to speak her mind and express her opinions." -acquaintance/ colleague, two years.

"Samaa, like any other human being, is someone with so many layers underneath. Right when you'd think you know her you realize that you still don't. At first, you'd think she's the loud, fun girl with a dirty mind. After a while of knowing her, you'd see the blunt girl who says all what's on her mind fearlessly. You'd blame her for saying something out loud though you think of it all the time. She's sort of intimidating for opinionated people. Right when you start to judge her for not being so religious you'd find her encouraging you to pray and reading about whether or not something is halal before doing it. See, the difference between her and the rest of the world is that she doesn't take any piece of information for granted. She has to check for its validation. So you'd judge her based on your shallow knowledge and you'd never think that she knows better. That cheerful girl hides so much pain in her heart that she chooses not to share except with her close friends, which are, to be honest, A LOT. She does have some negative qualities like we all do. She's too stubborn that you can't easily make her change her mind, even if she's harming herself. She doesn't always make logical decisions because of that. She may, sometimes, come out as heartless or self-centred, though I don't know how true that is. Overall she's one of her kind, which is somehow fortunate, but you'd enjoy her company more than anything else." -friend/colleague, 5 years.

"Funny and curious, it is a pleasure to talk to her." -acquaintance, 6 months.

"Samouaa, my long-distance best friend, the hidden mermaid, I know that because she has a personality and looks of a mermaid. I love her because she's always there for me, makes me laugh, we also judge people together." -friend, 2 intensive years.

"She is different. Weird, loud, crazy, hard-headed, crazy sometimes. She's really smart. She's strong. She doesn't give a damn sometimes. She is not to be broken easily." -friend, almost 6 years.

"Samaa is an adventurous courageous girl. I met her in 2014 at the regional WRO. We've been friends since then. I knew that she is courageous when she jumped from the bridge in Russia. She is a person who loves food and likes to enjoy eating healthy food. She's also a person whom you'd like to spend time chatting with her and I guarantee that you'll enjoy every single message. You'll always meet ordinary girls with boring characters but she's an extraordinary girl with an awesome character."-friend, almost 3 years."

"If I am going to mention what I like about Samaa, then I can describe her as beautiful, energetic, funny, inspiring and friendly. However, she is also very stubborn, a drama queen, sometimes annoying (but I actually love that), very unexpected." -friend, 5 years.

"As goofy as we both can get, the best thing I have learned from her is to be my own hero; it doesn't matter how tough it gets, you must stand up for yourself and fight till the end. She is with no doubt my sister, not by blood, but by her standing by me when I most needed her and never leaving my side. The thing is, anyone that has the fortunate to have someone that astonishing by their side is extremely lucky. No matter how far she is, or how different she'll be when I see her again, she will always be my sister and one of the best thing that happened to me." -friend, almost 5 years.

"An oppressed child trapped in the body of an adult." -xxx, 16 years.

"I'm happy I met someone like her. She's so funny, so cute. I'm so happy to share some moments with her. She's addicted to taking photos and music, especially Rockabye! But she's kind. I just love her."- roommate/ friend, a month.

"She is an ambitious Muslim girl who has the courage to do whatever she wants. She's brave, loyal and funny. However, she's a bit careless and unorganised in general and she needs to be more honest with herself, her friends and her family. Sometimes it seems like she doesn't have any red lines and she says or does anything that comes to her mind. She could be a better person if she wanted and worked on it." -colleague/ friend, 5 years.

"Spontaneous, silly, loud, a chatterbox, kind and you can count on her." -cousin, 20 years.

"She is a child who is fighting to grow up in a world where everyone else is fighting to come back a child. Full of dreams and enthusiasm, she has no idea about what is coming after. Anyway, I am sure she will handle it." -roommate/ friend, eight months.

"Well, Samaa is a very interesting person, although she drives me crazy with her mood swings and everything but she's very funny and she's really a positive person and I like talking to her to be honest."-friend, ???.

"One of the most humorous, sociable and energetic people." -friend/ colleague, 5 years.

"Pretty much independent; with or without anyone she'll have the most out of her time. High achiever, doesn't follow any trend but rather does her own and follows it. Wouldn't mind walking in a path different than the one everyone one else is taking." -colleague/ acquaintance, 2 years.

"Despite her craziness, loud laughs and inappropriate comments, you fail not to get attached to her in a weird way." - friend/ colleague, 5 years.

"Crazy, outgoing, she loves trying new things and doesn't care about people's opinion." -friend/ colleague, 5 years.

"Samaa has shown academic excellence, commitment and hard work since she was a little kid by explicitly being the top student in her school and scoring the highest grades. This has never deteriorated her social life. On a more personal level, Samaa has a very random, unique and amusing personality. You can never get bored from her hilarious punchlines (and sometimes pranks) when she is around. Her remarkable and sociable personality has allowed her to acquire a lot of friends everywhere (in her school, during competitions and in her social clubs)." -mentor/friend, 5 years.

"I may not be the best one to write descriptions about their friends, but what I can say about Samaa that she resembles for me a pure heart, kindness and the most spontaneous childish soul I have ever met. I do hope she keeps that charming spirit but I also want her to be careful as others might misuse these traits. and of course I wish her best of luck." -colleague/ acquaintance, 5 years.

"Everyone agrees that I was way quieter before I met her. I don't know what happened and how we became friends but I'm more than grateful that I met her, my very first true best friend. We both were in French schools, love mermaids, (we actually want to be mermaids) we are shopaholics. We have much in common (at least I think so). I guess we became closer when we travelled together to the states where all the good memories started and we became shopping partners. I threw a bowl full of ice on her to wake her up, she screamed so loud people hear outside!
She is still the same spontaneous crazy beautiful child but a more fearless lady in her 20s. It's actually a blessing to be always a child at heart and I'm more than blessed to have her in my life. Sometimes those traits get her in trouble but we get through them and honestly my life would be boring without her. She might not be sugar, spice and everything nice but she is definitely special in her own way and our life is full of spice."

I want to thank every soul who contributed with those honest words. I love you all.

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My Trip to Berlin

Hi! It's been a while since my last article, I know! I have a good excuse though, I was planning for my vacation, studying and then at Berlin. I've always wanted to go to Berlin to make use of my not-so-advanced German. I liked it very much, beyond the language part, so let's get started!

A selfie in front of the Reichstags Building. This was the sky's colour by the way.

Planning Phase

Shortly after I decided to go on a vacation during spring break, I searched for a European city that a) isn't far and b) interests me. Berlin was the ideal option. Few days before leaving Paris, I had to do some research: museums, transportation passes, food, weather.... I've never been a museum and history enthusiast, but I tried to change this by forcing myself to try.

I downloaded Google Trips app which is really useful to organise your day, where you save the places that interest you and get the directions for them easy peasy lemon squeezy. Some bookings and purchases were done and I was ready to go.

Huge Mistake

Since I decided really late to go to Berlin, I had to go by bus as the plane tickets were almost double the normal price. But the bus was a terrible idea, especially for someone with car sickness, the irony. I bought some pills in hope to reduce the sickness and I tried to convince myself that they were working. Also, I had no time to pack some snacks and I forgot my water bottle in the big backpack so I was starving and thirsty for some hours until we stopped for thirty minutes in Belgium. My planning was kilometres away from perfection, but I survived the bus trip of 20 hours (?!).

Day 1

It began at 6 am on the 11th of April, after my arrival at the main bus station of Berlin. I was supposed to go to my host's home, I had the directions and everything. I had to buy the bus ticket from the machine, but unfortunately  it didn't accept credit cards for some mysterious reasons. And also because I had no time, I haven't had any cash. So I went on a discovery trip to find the nearest ATM. I was praying the whole time that I'd work. It did, thank God! After being lost for some time, I made it back to the station. I waited for the bus for 20 minutes and then it passed me without stopping! I was perplexed because I was sitting in the station waiting.. I learned the hard way that they only stop if I stand up at the edge of the pavement. (Which is not the case at Paris by the way). The ride was almost an hour!

When I arrived home, the host, Ela, welcomed me with a warm smile and asked me what took me so long (three hours) to reach home. I explained the whole thing while we had breakfast. I took a shower and changed and then took off to go sightseeing a bit. Even though I was super tired. But, I don't get to visit Berlin everyday, so..!

The fountain.

I went to Checkpoint Charlie where I felt like being somewhere else. Then I went to the Berlin Cathedral Church but didn't go inside, because it wasn't free, which is weird. The Cathedral was so beautiful and I adored the light blue domes and statues. Then I went to the Funkturm, the fountain that has Triton (I hope) and I don't know its name. The weather was cold by then but the sky was blue and the sun was shining so I decided to sit on a bench and read a little while having a snack (a sweet nutty German thing Ela helped me pick). I was too happy then.

I brought some souvenirs from Alexanderplatz and then went home. We cooked dinner, also something "German": asparagus, boiled potatoes and Hollandaise sauce, I really liked it. Even thought it was so weird eating whole boiled potatoes. I chilled at home a bit then I went to bed. It was of course early, but since I hadn't slept well in the bus I had to.

Day 2

Reconciliation statue.

I woke up relatively early, we had breakfast and then I took off. Bernauer Straße (street) was my target. During Berlin division, the windows of the buildings in this street were used to escape the western side. Also, some short tunnels were dug. Of course, there were fatalities during these escape missions. There is a reconciliation statue few meters away from the street's famous buildings. Next to this, there's a small chapel: Die Kapelle der Versöhnung (The Chapel of Reconciliation), small and simple but warm and beautiful. 

Reichstag Building.

I took the S-bahn and went to the Reichstag Building. A mixture of modern architecture (the glass dome) and the 19th century architecture (the rest of the building). Brandenburg Gate is a walking distance away. It used to mark the start of the Berlin- Brandenburg road. I visited next the memorial to the murdered Jews of Europe.

It was lunch time by then, so I ate at a vegetarian Asian restaurant. (I should've packed lunch with me instead, but totally forgot)

East Side Art.

A trip to the eastern side took place then. I really enjoyed the East Side Gallery, which had tons of different street art/ graffiti.

Computerspieleinmuseum
Selfie!

What I visited next has to be the coolest museum ever! Computerspieleinmuseum! (Museum of Video-games) It showed the evolution of video games, from chess to Xbox. Even though it was super small for a museum, but it was a unique experience to be honest. I strongly recommend!!

Then, I returned home and had a light dinner then stayed in bed till I fell asleep, I can't remember really. I was exhausted anyway from all the walking and wandering!

Turkish Breakfast!

Day 3

I woke up relatively energetic and decided to have breakfast with Ela at a café nearby. The weather was good enough to make me want to eat outside in the semi-sunny weather. 

A Time-line of Germany, Historische Museum.

I then headed to the Historische Museum. Ela warned me of how big it was. But I wasn't expecting it to be this big! Germany's history turned out to be impressively long, guys! I spent around three hours, even though I didn't read the descriptions thoroughly in the last exhibitions. I had to have many pauses and an apple pie break in the middle.

Since I was exhausted from standing for so long and my back was hurting so bad, I didn't visit any other museum that day, even though I wanted to. I went to the Mall of Berlin, I enjoyed the walk in the sun to get there but didn't buy anything at last. Except for a sweater from a shop somewhere with "Berlin" on it, I'm sorry, but I had to! 

There was a beautiful cathedral nearby (with a splendid light blue dome as well) so I thought maybe I can go to the mass. But then my host told me it'd be for an hour long at least so I took off. 

Dinner: Spätzle.

I returned home, replaced my banana bag by a normal handbag and Ela and I went to eat at a small restaurant at a walking distance. We, as usual, chatted during the walk, about almost everything. We had Spätzle which is a pasta (that looks like weird French fries) and some stuff on it: lentille for me and cheese for Ela. We drank some German soda/ jus drink. End of day 3.

Day 4- Last Day

I was really sad leaving Berlin...

Neues Museum.

Charlottenburg Schloss.

My bus was at 8 pm so I had so much time on my hands.  The Neues (new) Museum was my first destination; it had an Egyptian exhibition and Nefertiti's head statue. I didn't visit the other exhibitions because they were similar to the ones I've visited in the Louvre. 

I met up with two Indonesian girls from Couchsurfing, Sarah, who was visiting as well, and Rima, who's studying in Berlin. We had lunch together, Turkish kebab for me and a burger for Sarah I then went to the Charlottenburg Schloss (castle). And again, the light domes never failed to amaze me! 


I waited for Rima to drop her friend off and then we had dessert and coffee at a cosy homelike café. A cherry cake with decaf black coffee and a cheesecake and cappuccino for my new friend. 

Cherry cake and coffee!

Rima insisted on helping me go to the bus station and long story short, we ran A LOT and changed transportation a couple of times. The good news is that we arrived half an hour early! Which is a victory for your fashionably late blogger (I'm trying to change I swear).

Final Thoughts

I did it on my own! I DID IT, I DID IT! A year ago, the idea of travelling alone and couchsurfing seemed deadly to me. It seemed as something impossible, but here I am, a beginner solo traveller.

I did it despite every single unadventurous soul that doubted I'd enjoy it alone. Well, having company is great but being alone is also good. I got to do what I wanted when I wanted. I got to stare at the paintings that interested me without someone yawning next to me. Most importantly, if you wait for someone to be available to come along you might end up not going at all. Bottom line: don't depend on anyone to travel.

Credit: germanyflag.facts.co

As for Berlin itself, it's great! I was afraid it wouldn't be much different than Paris, but thank God it betrayed my expectations. I'll definitely go back for more local spots or something.

Also a huge thank you to Ela for welcoming me and being such a great host in general and Rima for helping me go to the bus station on time! Shout-out to that friend who kept encouraging me to go beyond my boundaries but also yelled at me for not telling anyone prior my trip.

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I Grew Up - 20.1

On my birthday, I wrote an article about what I've achieved so far, read it first in case you've missed it, click here! During the few following days, I remembered even more important information and skills I've learnt. So here we go again!

Celebrating my birthday with my paternal family, 2002. I'm the girl in the middle, in case you didn't know.

After receiving a big order
from Amazon

An Egyptian friend would understand the struggle of buying anything online. From the expensive shipping fees, to the different currencies and finally the lack of a credit card to use, I've been there, I did that. There was a time that I asked an older friend to place an order for me because I had no credit card (or even a bank account). But now, ordering online is even a cheaper option! I'm now able to buy used books that are like brand new ones which cost much less than buying them from stores, even considering the shipping from England (because I order English books only). So glad I have my own bank account...! 

Speaking of bank account, I can do money talk now. My parents taught me that talking about money is impolite and wrong, but I grew up to need to discuss money. Sorry mom! Money is important, whether you're applying for a job or have a roommate who shares cleaning products with you! I try not to believe that we live in a pragmatic world, but we kind of do...

My organisation skills grew a little. Every single task even if it was just printing a paper at college is documented in my calendar with several reminders. Important events that I'd never remember on my own such as renewing my residence papers in 22 weeks and that project due after the holidays are documented twice, on my Google Calendar and on my college agenda for maximum organisation. Hundreds of to-do lists were made, even only mental ones. Example: When I Get Home To-Do List: Take a shower, do laundry, cook, revise, do the dishes... That's how I'm trying to get over my goldfish memory and attention deficiency. 

Some adult stuff: original documents. Never hand in original documents. That was a tough lesson to learn. And, always carry a scan of the important documents with me on the phone, it's more than enough in most cases. 

Giving compliments was discussed in the previous article, I'm aware of that. But what I need to add here is that criticizing people instead of giving them compliments says a lot about your self-esteem... Spoiler: you have none! Always give a warm constructive feedback. 

After a long time of reflection at my life events, I came to the conclusion that an abuser was once a victim. And in order to fix the victim, we need to fix the abuser first. Nevertheless, nothing gives a human the right to harm another human. Physically, morally or sexually.

Another conclusion I came to after thinking and reading and researching was that sacrificing too much is harmful. As I said before I decided to put myself first, but being told to make sacrifices for others, when I don't want to, is annoying and insensitive. Also, here's a serious question, why are people who put too much pressure on themselves, neglect their own needs and go too far in sacrifices, so pissed at people who are living their lives healthily and normally? Unfortunately, I've not only met such people, but I still know them...

In this "Me, Myself and I" situation I'm living, with no "adults" to back me up, some people tend to find me an easy target, they talk trash, expecting me to shut up and nod. But hell no, this will never happen! Not here, not in Egypt, not in Mars! If I was right, I'd defend myself in the most polite way possible. I'd write some bullet points with evidence! Witnesses could be called in as well. I'm not the kind of person who accepts such treatment because she's alone or shy to defend herself. If I was wrong, God forbid, I'd acknowledge committing a mistake, ask for forgiveness but then state that I'd prefer a better way of speaking! Adulting...!

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Why Do I REALLY Blog?

I get asked a lot why I blog, which I find stupid and illogical honestly. It's like asking someone why they post pictures on Instagram, draw comics or read a book...! And since blogging has become an important part of my life for the past months, I think it deserves a final explanation on why I chose it as a hobby.

This article may or may not be updated or edited in the future. Also, sequels may or may not be an option as well.

I've been writing my diaries since I was little. I'm not sure if I've ever shared this before or not, but I've recently found an old diary dating 2006! TWO THOUSAND SIX! Of course, the events documented there are as simple and cute as me obsessing over sea shells I've collected when I was at the beach, but it counts as diary, right? (I mean I still obsess over sea shells and other kids stuff, but back to the initial topic.) I loved documenting my life at this point even if I just ate my favorite chocolate fudge or bought a cute blouse. I loved making these little things last forever.

Me writing in my gang's then-Burn-Book, 2011.

When I grew up and went to middle school ("OMG, I'm finally a teenager!" like), my experiences with people became more complicated. I started writing again, so my diaries would become a future reference, which is really helpful by the way. Reading old ones makes me feel stronger. Makes me motivated to conquer the current issues I have. And as I shared in the So Taylor-Swift-Like article, writing annoying things people did to me helped me figure out their unhealthy patterns and their effects on me.

As I'm currently living abroad, I get asked the same questions many many times, even when I summed them up in another article, dedicated for the  FAQs, it seemed to not  be enough. Even with the constant updates. How's life, college, food, the city and the French themselves. So many questions. My acquaintances need more details and I find it easier to write it once and for all. If anyone asks me a question, I just send him the link to the article explaining in details. You might find it rude, but imagine being asked the same questions a hundred times and being expected to answer with an essay with a limit of 100 words! What is that, a cover letter?

I'm the kind of person who'd go back and read her own old articles and drown in nostalgia, so let me enjoy this. Let me be happy doing what I like and stop judging me or telling me to stop or change the way I do it. Now, don't get me wrong, all pieces of advice are appreciated, but commands aren't. Because I do really love blogging, I've always loved writing. You have no idea how much this small success of my blog means to me.

Have a nice day, fellow human!


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