Don't Let Me Down

Being let down sucks. I guess many of my beloved readers could relate to that. But here's my own experience.

Hanging down - 2012

I don't put high hopes and expectations unless I believe in the person. Either out of love, trust or a long history. But most likely, love.

So when I'm let down, it physically hurts me. Beyond imagination . It breaks my heart. I become so angry and could even scream.

I'm usually strong, but when it comes to someone I've deeply loved and trusted, the disappointment and betrayal weaken me.

It takes me some time to fix the broken pieces and be able to stand up again. And of course I lean on other beloved ones to go back to the field and resume the fight.

I don't automatically stop trusting people afterwards. Because everyone is different and it'd be unfair to distrust everyone because of a person, wouldn't it ?

Forgiveness? Yes. I've recently discovered that I don't hold grudges, but only if they come back regretting what they've done. Apologizing isn't even remotely enough for me. I need to feel the remorse and regret. To see, later on, some effort, and eventually, some changes. "Sorry" won't fix anything.

If the regret was followed by another disappointment, it's almost impossible to win me back.

Don't let me down.

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Signs of a Real Friendship

Friendship is not about how much time you spend together or how much you laugh. Those parts could easily be fulfilled since no-one would walk away from you in your best days. Depending on my humble experience in life, almost 21 years, the following are some signs of a real friendship.

Real friends are there for you "when it hasn't been your day, your week, your month or even your year". They offer you all possible kinds of support. They'd do anything to cheer you up, joking, making funny faces, tickling you, silly dancing, you name it. They'll try their best to help you in your issues. If they can't give you solutions to your problems they'll try to ease the pain at least. Having someone to rant to is so rare.

You don't feel ashamed being vulnerable in front of them. No matter how tough or strong you are, you expose your sensitive side to them. If you're like me, a rare crier, you don't feel weak if you cried in front of your close friends. You wouldn't hesitate much. They help you glue your broken parts, with no judgement or underestimation. Your feelings and emotions are valid to them.

You know your friendship is real when you don't think too much before talking with them. They'd never judge your unpopular opinions and views. They'd never broadcast your latest news.

No need for straightforward words when your friends can read your facial expressions like an open book. No matter how hard you're trying to act normal, they'll know you're down. They'll respect your privacy if you're a secretive person or bomb you with questions if you're not. Which is because..

They know what you want and need. Advice? Hugs? A shoulder to cry on? Support? They know it all, and if they don't they'll try their best.

Trust is of course a sign of a true friendship. It's not just for keeping the secrets but it's also trusting that they've got your back. They'll defend you behind your back.

Real friends don't comfort  you with a lie. Instead they tell you straight to your face that you're wrong or you need to improve. For example, when you ask a real friend "What am I doing wrong? Why is my life falling apart" her reply would be something like "Because you don't sleep enough. You need to work out. Stop keeping toxic people around..." This is because true friends want to grow as a person professionally, intellectually and emotionally. Even if they know their reply could upset you now, but they know you'll thank them later.

Don't you some times feel weak? Like, you need support making a call or sending an important email. Well, real ones would be there for you as well. Real ones would write your super important email with you sitting next to them anxiously. Real ones would help you write your CV or look for scholarships when you're too lazy or down to do it yourself. Real friends are basically and unconditionally extra arms and brains. I don't want to brag or anything, but I booked a doctor's appointment for my friend the other day, yeah.

Some of my real friends have a superpower. Yeah, I know, right? When I'm secretly sad, I find them calling, sending me old photos of us and/or memes, randomly complimenting me and checking up on me. "I have the feeling you're not okay." And needless to say, lying to them is useless because they end up knowing.

Another superpower some have is understanding when to give me advice and when to just listen. I wrote a whole article about advice, click here to check it out!

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Impulsive, Overthinker and Planner

We all know how difficult it is to overthink. Maybe not everyone knows, excuse my generalisation, allow me to explain.

Belgium, after a long day of exploring (and thinking).

I think all the damn time. While showering, cooking, cleaning, in the métro, working out, even while sleeping.  And if I'm not thinking, flashbacks of terrible memories happen. Or maybe stupid things I've done or said. It's mentally exhausting. Energy consuming. And it takes away the beauty in anything I currently have. I keep asking myself and maybe even others "what if..?", "what should I do if..?"...instead of living the moment. To shut my brain down, I resorted to reading when I'm in the métro for example. Listening to music while working out is effective too. It's not enough but it's a pretty good start.

It's even harder being an overthinker and a planner. I don't just plan my whole life ahead but I also can't stop thinking of all the scenarios. No matter how far in the future they are or how hardly possible they are. Plan A, then B, and then C and maybe even till Z. I want to be prepared. If Plan A fails me I want Plan B to rescue me, that's my logic. Even though, many times, I had only one plan that unfortunately failed. After grieving the failure, I made a new sole plan (not so different from the first, to be honest) that eventually worked out. Planning makes me feel safe, but overthinking ruins it for me.

Imagine adding impulsiveness to the mix. It doesn't make any sense, I know. But try for a bit. You can't right?

Well, my impulsiveness is occasional. I can hear you, guys, okay, it's not occasional, more like most of the time. I have no idea how could a person be an overthinker and impulsive simultaneously, but here I am. I could say the most reckless nonsense and then spend years thinking, analysing and regretting. It's a tiring cycle, people. I must admit I'm a little proud of myself for limiting the recklessness. Maturing is so cool, says the same girl who does a dive cartwheel in public, ha ha. I swear I'm maturing in the remaining aspects, though.

Did I forget to mention my permanently high expectations? Maybe next time, see you soon!

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