التشبه بالكفار

ده أول حاجة أكتبها هنا بالعربي، و بما إني مش ضليعة فيه فهكتب بالعامية!

الواحد يعمل أي حاجة مختلفة شوية، يتقاله "تشبه بالكفار"!

عملت غلطة كبيرة و دخلت قريت تعليقات الناس على صورة بالسؤال اللذيذ "إزاي البنت اللي عندها خرم ف مناخيرها بتنِف؟".

التعليقات كلها كانت حاجات مشابهة لـ"البنت اللي خارمة مناخيرها الناس كلها عارفة إنها شمال" و "عيب و حرام عشان تشبه بالكفار /الأجانب و الراقصات (معرفش إيه علاقة الراقصات و الله، عمري ما شفت واحدة خارمة مناخيرها) ". خرم مناخير بقى أو قصة شعر غريبة: تشبه بالكفار! و اللي بيفتحوا بقهم أساسًا تلاقيهم بيشربوا سجاير و شيشة و حشيش و خاربينها أو ممكن مصاحبين خمس بنات على بعض، بس جايين علينا اكمننا بنات و فاكرينا فريسة سهلة للانتقاد و الشتيمة. بس احنا بنعرف نرد كويس أوي!

هوَ أي حاجة الأجانب بيعملوها هتبقى غلط لمجرد إنهم مش على نفس الدين و خلاص؟ و لا احنا هَنَّقي كمان؟

يعني الناس عايزين يعيشوا زي الأجانب، لبس ماركات و ستاربكس و كلام انجليزي كتير ف نص الجملة. الأفلام بتاعتنا حتى بقيت يا منقولة منهم يا شبهم و فيها حاجات كتير بعيدة عن ثقافتنا بس بالتدريج هتبقى ثقافتنا. كل ده تمام، بس نعمل حاجة ف الشكل مختلفة ده مش تمام، نبقى عايزين استقلال عن أهلنا، غلط، الناس تتجوز متأخر أو اتنين يقرروا ما يخلفوش مثلًا كله ده غلط!

بحس إننا كمصريين مش عايزين حد يبقى مختلف. فلان أو فلانة عايزين يسافروا يتعلموا ف تركيا أو المكسيك مثلًا، بلاد مش كتير من مصر بيروحوها ده غير إن مش كتير أصلًا بيسيبوا البلد قبل الكلية، الناس لازم تقرفهم بقى: "و ليه تسافر بدري كدة؟ ما تستنى لماجستير!" و "إنتِ لسة صغيرة و مش هتعرفي تتصرفي لوحدك" أو "مش مستاهلة إنك تسافر عشان تدرس ف المكسيك، الدراسة هناك مش قد كدة". ده على أساس إن حضرتك خبير ف نُظُم التعليم العالي المختلفة حول العالم؟ و لا هو أي فتيّ و خلاص؟

الواحد بيحاول على قد ما يقدر يقلل احتكاكه بالناس اللي فاكرة نفسها ربنا و بتحاسب الناس أو الناس اللي حقودة أوي فعايزة الناس ما تححقش حاجة زيها فتحبط فيهم و شغل العيال ده. بس ساعات بنخبط فيهم للأسف!

كان معكم سماء محمد علي.

لو عجبك المقال ده اعمل +1 و شاركه مع أصحابك! اعملي فولو عشان تشوف مقالاتي أول بأول كمان!

Friendship

To Kotions,

Warning: relatively long article.

I was told when I was in middle school that it's impolite to take food from a friend if they offered me. I was prohibited to discuss religion, social status or private family issues with friends. My mom taught me to be friends with anyone as long as they're good people, with morals. I was taught to initiate the conversations and friendships, that "Don't wait for people to come and talk to you" and "You should be brave!".

I have had a close friend for years. We were so close I decided to call her "sister" instead of "friend". I was mean to her many times. I won't justify myself. We had some huge fights too. Our friendship ended. I regretted how I treated her and apologised, but it was too late, she already made new friends.

Later, I have had another close friend for (like) four years, I'm not sure, I can't remember. We spent the days listening to the same teachers and walking together during break. Chatting and laughing. We spent the afternoon getting ready for swimming practice and eating lunch. The nights were for our "adventures". Then each went home to do her homework then sleep. And repeat. Some days we even spent the nights talking on the phone about, what was supposed to be, secrets. That was my first long friendship. But it ended, and honestly, it ended because of me. I was the bad guy.

Later, and after a lonely period of time, I made two/three new friends. The reason behind the hesitation in their number, is that one of them wasn't completely in the gang. She was the kind of amie de tous person. Plus, she talked behind our back saying she got bored of us.

Moving on, the other two, let's call them Mary and Mona, and I spent the break time together everyday. Mary was even sitting next to me in class two years in a row. She was one the funniest girl I've ever met, back then. Her comments made me laugh during the lessons, while she was acting quiet in class. She was amazing. But unfortunately, when I left school, we lost contact. Mary was too studious to hang out with me or even contact me via phone or Facebook. I understood this quickly and stepped out of her life.

As for Mona, let's just say she wasn't her best version back then. She flaked most of the time. Each time I defended her in front of my mother, hoping she wouldn't cancel just before the meeting time. We argued a lot, accusing each other of being jealous of each other, for instance. On top of that, she betrayed me in a horrible way. I'm sure her side of the story is interesting, but she wouldn't even be able to justify her betrayal.

The summer of 2011, I made a new friend, in an English course. We had a "project" together and that was how we got to know each other. There was a kind of instant connection. Few months later, we had a fight and friendship-broke-up. For a  stupid reason, and I guess that was why we became friends again. We still are. No words could describe our friendship. Most of it, we were in two different continents! Being busy ladies meant rarely video-calling and since she's terrible at texting, video-calls were the only options

The next chapter in my life was a double opportunity: I met new people during summer and then I changed my school. The kids at my new school were unbearable. I tried, I really did, but I just couldn't befriend them. Mean, arrogant bullies. (Except for few ones whom I still talk to, hey Mai and Yara! [insert multiple pink hearts] ). 

The "summer people" turned out to be good people. I was a better Samaa myself. They gradually became a sort of a family to me over the years. Taking care of each other, helping, giving some advice, going out, sharing food,  travelling, deep talks, working, pulling all nighters... We had it all. Those are the people I wished to keep in touch with till the end. Endless laughs and memories. Infinite inside jokes which no-one could get unless a member of Kotions family. Pranks. Photos. Videos. Songs. Comics. Movies. A long thread of common interests and memories. [insert pink hearts and smiley faces]

Will our friendship survive distance?

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"Home"

This is a story I started writing months ago, but was too scared to publish. If you liked it I will make it a series. Enjoy!

Sarah came back home from work. She must’ve been too exhausted during the flights and transit and running and heavy backpack of hers to even think about what she’s on the verge of doing or what to expect. She didn’t even slightly care to fix her messy hijab or put some ChapStick on her dry lips. She has been on a long journey, that hasn’t even ended yet, no-one was expecting her to look like a daisy.

Sarah’s dark eyes were searching everywhere for her beloved ones when she was exiting the airport gate, pulling her luggage behind her. She found her mother and aunt waiting and when their eyes met, the two sisters screamed of joy and called her name loudly. Hugs, kisses, tears of joy and “how are you?” ’s.

After many consecutive questions in the car, Sarah had the chance to speak, describing the flight, telling few anecdotes and sharing some news. The ladies had almost nothing to share, nothing exciting happens at their small city Damanhur anymore. Or at least that’s what they told her.

A small party was thrown to celebrate her arrival, at the warm family apartment. As usual, proud neighbors and friends were invited. The preparations took too long and too much effort but her aunt, Manal, and mother, Alia, don’t mind it because they love and care about Sarah. Typical motherly instincts. And they, above all, miss her so much they keep reminding each other. Shady, Sarah’s brother, was occasionally complaining about the overreacting, in a “She comes back twice a year anyway” way. Boys.

“Wear the pink dress you have. It’ll look great on you.” said Alia, who came to Sarah’s room to find her staring at the dresser. She might’ve been thinking but her mother wasn’t sure.

“No. I look terrible in it.” snapped Sarah turning her mother’s face blue and eyes evil, hurt or broken, she couldn’t tell. She literally wiped her mother’s smile off.

“Then don’t!” A yelling. Sarah’s years of living away gradually deleted some unhappy memories, similar to this incident. However, each vacation she flies back home, she remembers why she chose to leave in the first place. Besides, of course, improving her career. And getting a degree.

Shady came and asked what was going on and his mother complained about Sarah always being rude and ungrateful. “She’ll never change...I’m sick of this!” Shady was dead sure his mother will cry this day. Sooner or later.

To be fair, Alia became extremely used to sobbing only after The Incident That Shall Not Be Shared. She cries when she remembers. Her general mood stopped her from doing anything and only allowed her to sit and rethink everything. She cries after drinking her last soda can, not in a childish way, but because then she’ll have to go outside and buy another six-pack at least. If there’s an accurate term to describe her addiction, it shall be “sodalic”. Her ‘drinking’ habit was the obvious reason behind her huge weight gain, which nobody dares to mention. You don’t tell a depressed woman she gained weight, right?

Sarah suggested that she goes to seek a professional help many, many, times, but her stubborn mother, with outdated beliefs, strongly refused. Reminding her of what she’s been through wasn’t enough. “This is beyond discussion. I’m not mad to go see a therapist! Are you crazy?!” After many attempts, Sarah got tired of trying and kept her mouth shut about Shady going to one…

As much as this family seems to be amical and ideal, their lies and secrets roam in the apartment as if they could be felt or even seen. Each one of them was ignoring this fact, but deep down they know what they are.

Mother-Daughter Relationships

Some girls have healthy mother-daughter relationships. Others are not quite as lucky. Here are 5 types of complicated mom-daughter relationships, according to my humble opinion with a small amount of research.

1. Too Much Contact

Before you say that I'm overreacting, I've seen young women waiting for their mother's approval, concerning buying their groceries.

I mean, we all like to share our daily events with our mothers, but not in that way. It's unhealthy to call your mama after each and every step you take. "I came home from the supermarket", "I changed and I'll cook now", "Do I put cinnamon on it?" and "Look how it ended up looking!" kind of way. And I swear, I witnessed similar video calls. Yes I said "video".

If you're doing this, then I'm sorry, but you're too dependant on your mother, which will prevent you from growing and learning on your own. Also, it prevents your mother from having fun and learning new things herself! She has a life beyond being a mother, always remember this! And hey, even if your mother is a stay-home mom, you grew up and don't need your diapres to be changed, so leave her alone! She needs a break from you from time to time, really.

Maybe try instead to look for the information yourself instead of asking your mommy. Again, I've been sitting next to a girl who called her mom to ask if Action A is halal or haram. Girrrrl, just google it! Your mother is a human-being, with a degree in a single subject, she doesn't have the answers to everything, and that's okay. Thus, learn to teach yourself. And, grow up. [innocent smile]

2. Wrong Info

Mothers tend, in general, to educate their daughters, stating facts in almost all the fields. But the "back in my days" era was technology-free, which means wrong information circulated more easily than now. In other words, they could've believed in Info A because they heard it on TV for instance, and without a smart-phone to check instantly and only libraries stacked with books to look for Info A at, it was more convenient to believe in Info A. But what if the TV diffused inaccurate information? And then people carried through generations? And I'm talking about all sorts of information.

That's what happens: "No mom, this isn't true, I googled it! They labelled Info A as a myth..."

"No, it's true. I know it. It's a very known-fact."

"Here, look!"

It might look silly and ridiculous to you, but imagine your mother telling you wrong info all the time and you correcting her. She'll go mad, won't she? Hi mama! [smiling and waving] And you, young readers, don't be so hard on them.

3. Fear

"I'm worried about you.", a classic motherly phrase that highlights her instinct towards her little ones. It's great to have someone who worries and cares about you. But if your mother overreacts and forbids you from tons of activities and places, that could be a relationship wrecker. And fun killer for sure!

This could be as a part of #1, Too Much Contact, or it could be a whole new story. Either ways, it puts so much pressure on the girl growing up. She might be too scared to take important steps in her life later on when she has to. The daughter might also lose trust in her mother and seek advice from strangers who aren't trustworthy for sure, but seem more adventurous and fun than her fearful mother.

4. Trust

This lie, that one right here: "I trust you, it's just I don't trust the others." is a blunt insult to your girl. If this isn't a lie, you've got a huge problem, Trust Mother! If you don't trust your own daughter (I can't even process the sentence myself) you should do something about it. I'm unable to even suggest. So you go google it yourself, "young" lady!

If it's not a lie, then you need to talk differently to her, showing her how much she means to you and that you do trust her. Honestly, just don't lie to your kids, and don't yell at me "I'm protecting her!!" because no-one, including you, Missy, likes to be lied at! Keep that in mind..And yeah, keep in mind that a girl needs to be raised by morals that she sees her parent practising too.

5. "Be Home by 8!"

It's a whole different story from #3! This mother is overly strict, for no obvious reasons. She forces rules, without stating any kind of explanation or justification. She treats her daughter(s) as a robot that should follow orders without asking or comprehending.

I'm serious, the girl (might) later on lie to you about where and with whom she's going because you're too strict and stubborn. You, of course, don't want this. Reading a news headline with your daughters picture next to it is no fun, I guarantee.

Dear "Be Home by 8!" Mother, a simple explanation to your kid won't cost you anything, it will even save you the time and effort of yelling at her some extra times because she just doesn't get why Thing B is wrong! Treat you daughter as a grown-up lady with a brain and explain, before ending up with an Oscar-winning liar/actress. 

This article was originally with 10 points, but got split up, so expect a second part soon. [winks]

Fatal Depression

I almost lost a dear person to suicide, but this article isn't about me. It's about Amy, which is obviously not a real name. And before you ask, yes it's a true story.

Amy is a regular young woman. Or at least that's the first impression everyone has. But under the layers of fake smiles and small talks, she's in deep pain. She suffers from depression and after begging her parents, she sought professional help at last.

The therapist prescribed her some anti-depressants after listening to her for two sessions. She took them regularly, believing in the possibility of living a mentally healthier life. Her mood actually improved a lot in a short period of time, which gave some hope to her beloved ones.

Needless to say, she shared the notion of going to a therapist with only few family members and friends, because of the judgements and stupidity people are capable of. Especially in Egypt. Most people think that going to a psychiatrist means you're crazy. 

She kept visiting the therapist and taking the meds, until her father forbade her, thinking she might become addicted to the pills which will lead to an even worse end. That's what he thought, but was it right? Her sleeping cycles once again became a mess and her chats with people became dull and short, again.

Despite having the majority of what a girl needs, the few things that she lacked became larger in her eyes. Her studies were on top of the list, she can't study anymore, she's just too busy thinking everything in her head and probably blaming herself quite a lot too. But all of these are just my own assumptions, since no-one can read her mind. I bet not even her.

I texted her to see what was going on with her life, especially after the trip she went to.

" I went to the hospital" she said.

The first idea that came up to me was a car accident or maybe she fainted or something. But...

" Poisoning"

And before I could ask her about what she ate, she told me she took ten pills..

" The dose turned out to be less than enough for a coma or death"

I tried to be as calm as possible, so I don't ruin everything. "What happened? Was everything in the trip okay?"

"No, nothing happened. I'm just incapable of becoming happy. I can't anymore" Amy told me.

What should be done now? What can be done to prevent a second and probably final attempt? Her way of talking about the whole thing assures me she'll try again. The thought scares me beyond imagination. My friends and family know quite well I'm not the sensitive type, but the whole thing left me sobbing... Blogging became my way of emptying my soul from all the grief and secrets it carries. God help us...!

FIFTY SHADES of ROOMMATES

I used to live alone (read Home Alone article) but, as some of you might know, I have a roommate now, Noura (pronounced "Noora" in English though). And as a blogger, who writes about her personal experience most of the time, I couldn't miss the chance of documenting these...

1. Gradual weirdo-ing

At first, each of the parties tries to act as polite and civil as possible. But then, just few days later, we found ourselves having a conversation about a random topic, college or even personal issues while one of us is taking a shower! And the weirdo-ing has no end...

2. The Little Things

I believe that small details matter and simple acts of kindness can change a person's day. Even just sharing a chocolate bar or even doing you roommies dishes. You'll be surprised of how these simple gestures mean a lot!

3. Extra Pair of Hands

Either it's cleaning the apartment or just bringing you something, it's definitely easier than living alone. Especially if you're living with a nice helpful person who doesn't complain if you ask them for something from the fridge while they're there, for example. But don't abuse your mate, it's not nice.

4. Moral Support

I'm talking about "Just attach the CV! What's the worst thing that can happen?" sort of conversations and prep talks. Noura helped me in this area quite a lot in a short period of time, offering advice and encouragements [insert glittery hearts here]. I gave her some advice myself, not life-saving type of advice, but I did my best so...

5. Become Better

I must admit she's the reason I wake up early for college, snoozing once or twice maximum! I'm always afraid I'll wake her up so I get up as fast as I can. (Although I'm pretty noisy while getting ready, but I'm working on it!) I also try as much as I can to not leave any dishes in the sink because it's annoying, I'm sure. Noura, I WILL DO THEM AFTER I PUBLISH THIS, I SWEAR.

6. Deep Talk

You know that kind of conversations, when you discuss ice cream flavour or your childhood ice cream memories? I call that deep. Honestly, you can know a person's personality from their Top 5 Ice Cream Flavours! Well I just made that up. Okay, Google has a different saying. Anyway, my point is, there are always deep talks when you spend a lot of time with someone. Inevitable.

7. Change of Habits

Similar to #5 but not really. When one of the roommies is a loud person, and the other has a loud notification ringtone, some changes need to be done. Some are more important than the others, though. Switching the lights at 11 pm. Turning the heating on 8 instead of, like, 5 or 2. Some are just advice, like "You should use less butter", "Don't eat now, it's 10 pm" and Noura's favourite "Stop cussing!".

8. Real Talk

No matter how hard you'll try to fake it, a roommie will know you didn't have today while meeting this person or something's not right. I share, almost unthinkably, my day's details and how pissed of I am at this professor or that apple that tasted like the worst thing in the universe and made me cringe so bad. The book I'm reading is terrible and "I can honestly write better than this!". And I listen to "I'm so proud of myself I ran 4 km today". This is how I feel less lonely in Paris.

9. Mother Care

Women are generally sensitive and caring because of what science calls "motherhood instinct". So yeah, basically, Noura and I care about each other. Not in a huge way, but as an over-thinker myself, I can see it in the small actions. Like when I fell asleep and she put a blanket on me or when she was sitting with her back bent and I told her to straighten it, etc etc, you get the point. I appreciate these types of small things.

10. Hallucinations

Okay, so this is the creepy part. At least we find it creepy! Some things, very awkward, inexplicable, happened. 

Yesterday, Noura was sleeping in a super uncomfortable position, and as a caring roommie, I tried to roll her over or something. She freaked out when I touched her then yelled "What's wrong!!!?" and I screamed terrified because she was in deep sleep and suddenly she yelled in full consciousness. Like in a horror movie. 

This afternoon, she texted me "Ah, by the way, yesterday you woke me up complaining 'What you're doing, Noura, is unacceptable!!' and I was literally doing nothing". After denying saying such thing and the utter surprise, I came to the conclusion that we should put mics and cameras in the apartment because neither of us succeeded in believing what she's done yesterday! I mean, I was just asking her how to translate what we said, and I kept saying "I can't believe I said that!". 

Living abroad makes everything a big of a deal, indeed.

A final word! 

Thank you Noura for tolerating me 24/7. And listening when I turn into a "Did you know...?" program, listing random facts with dates and numbers and countries. And thank you for listening to my stories about my weird complicated childhood. Lots of love!

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There's a second part!! Click here to read it.

"Too Young"

As an international university student and a nineteen-year-old girl/ young woman (?) living in the 21st century, I can assure you that this generation's life is really hard. Or at least, harder than you think!

People who grew up in the 70s or 80s can't understand the fact that technology has made our lives (in some aspects) harder rather than faster and better. "You can access information about anything for free in seconds thanks to the internet now! We had to sit in the library for hours to do a research for school!" Yeah sure, but how about, for example, the raise of competitiveness because of the internet. People take online courses now in anything and everything. YouTube tutorials, video-calls with tutors and encyclopaedias, you name it. All of this has made us feel imperfect and not enough. Internet caused other non-technical issues, but old people will never get them so... Let's get to the main point anyway.

Each time I complain about anything, anything, 70s and 80s people go like "You're too young to complain!" and my personal favourite: " What will you do then when you're older, when you'll have actual responsibilities!!?". Well, let me remind you- old people- of something, let me remind you of your own life when you were my age! You lead a pretty simple life, with a normal amount of stress, less competition and more free time. When you were my age, you didn't plan to study or work abroad, which is a hectic procedure: filling forms, writing essays, a lot and a lot of research, planning and too much stress. You were focused on your present with a short vision of the future, unlike me who's planning her entire life right now! When you were my age, you didn't even have a CV! And if you had written it, it would've been pretty empty, you know why? Because the only extracurricular activities you had were for pure pleasure rather than to improve your hiring chances. What a healthy life you lead. I actually slightly envy you. Your life was simpler so please think twice before you accuse us of being lazy or spoiled, because many of our battles came too soon.

I must admit that I'm grateful that I had the chance and means to go to pretty sophisticated schools and do plenty of activities. I'm really thankful that my parents cared about these. But this was truly exhausting for me. Our generation became sleep-deprived too early.

Dear Readers

This isn't an article where I talk about myself, college or even any other random topic. This is an article dedicated to my readers AKA "fans".

Dear Readers,

111 people read my first article, many of whom I might not even know in person, but I want to thank them for the support and I hope they still read my blog and enjoy it.

At first I was afraid and sceptical about writing and "publishing" online. I wasn't sure I were talented enough for this, but the constant support of my close friends and family lifted me up and kept me going forward.

Some friends, to whom I'm most grateful, not only read but also give me an honest, authentic private feedback. If I could write non-stop for days, I wouldn't be able to thank you enough. Thank you, you help me more than you can even imagine. I swear to God, after my first few articles, a friend came and pointed out some silly spelling and grammar mistakes and I was truly grateful he saved my life, I mean blog, blog! Sometimes I go and ask new acquaintances and friends to read my blog and tell me what they think and their response would be "Oh, I actually did and I related to this one, [...] !" 

Shoutout to the friends who read an article and then text me "Are you okay??", and it could be an article about luggage but they can feel me kilometres away (I use metric, always). Fun fact: you guys are right, God bless you. Here, some virtual hugs.

Last but not least, don't be afraid to comment or at least send me a message with your personal opinion and suggestions. I'm not too stubborn and I might take your advice! I'm kidding, the probability of me taking your advice is between 80 and 99 percent, so it's a high chance, yay! Seriously, I appreciate and follow advices. I'm not jerk, I swear!

Love,

Samaa.