I Grew Up - 20.0

Warning: long article! A sequel is highly possible. 

Today, I'm celebrating my 20th birthday. So many mixed feelings. Joy, fear, sadness, pride. Loneliness. Your texts, voice notes, photos and calls made my day, thank you everyone! [virtual hugs and kisses]

So lucky that my phone captures the selfie when it detects the smile! This, of course, isn't a home-made tarte...

Nevertheless, I decided to write what I've learnt and did so far during my long (yes, long) life.

During the last few months, I read much more novels and articles about politics, geography, history and biology because I truly suck at them. And I only read articles because I wouldn't be able to finish a whole book on any of these subjects, to be completely honest with you. It felt amazing having some information to discuss with people. I no longer felt ignorant as I used to feel while people brought up subjects I had no idea about. Some new friends even complimented my knowledge, which even pushed me to read more.

I had the habit of deleting toxic people from my life. This year, I understood the effects these people's mean harsh words had on me. I blocked them from social media and ended our friendships. Because....

I put myself first. I am my first priority. Some people would find this statement a bluntly selfish one, but no. I chose to put my happiness and health on top of my priorities for many reasons. I'm not selfish, but I'm not about the sacrifice life too. I won't harm myself to make anyone happy. I help colleagues, friends and family as much as I can of course, but without throwing myself under the bus to do so. 

I realized that not getting some people's validation used to hurt me, especially if it's a close person, but not any more. I no longer wait for people's approval of my choices and decisions. I do what I believe is right (in reference to religion, of course, and my own morals and rules).

I take care of myself. Even in the simplest ways. I try as much as I can to eat healthily, take care of my imperfect skin, terrible knees, sensitive colon, horrible back, you get my point...! No-one will be there for me when I'm 30 looking 50. Easy daily steps make the difference.

I give more and more compliments. Only genuine ones. Telling someone they're smart or beautiful won't diminish your own intelligence or beauty. Telling someone they're smart or beautiful will not only make them happy but it'll make you happy too. Spread the love! 

Now, let's talk about money! I have my own bank account, which is really cool, even though my father's still financially supporting me. But it feels great to be sort of independent. I keep on trying to save money, I fail nine times out of ten, but that's okay.

On a work level, I have a professional CV now and a good cover letter. I also have a LinkedIn account, which turned out to be really how people get jobs these days. Currently, I have no job, but I'm trying to get one. Pray for me.

I'm not so scared of sending emails (especially to professors at college and CEOs). I used to be so scared of even talking to my teacher at my French school. I once sent a teacher a text by mistake and I started panicking for real. But he was a really cool teacher and he took it lightly. I still, however, proof-read any email at least three times, fearing forgetting a comma or being too friendly. But I always end up pressing the send button and getting a reply shortly after with, some times, "okay"only.

Even though I started my driving classes at the age of 17 and finishing most of the classes, I don't have a driving license. My parents were too conscious about letting me drive, no matter how many times my dad sat next to me and observed my awesome driving skills. (I'm kidding, they were only fine). I've always wanted to drive, for some reason I don't even know. I know that driving in Paris isn't really practical and driving in Egypt is nerve-wrecking, but I need to get it out of my system! One day, one day.

I don't judge. I've met people from everywhere who have different morals and thoughts and lifestyles. I genuinely don't judge them even if what they're doing contradicts my own morals and rules. The differences can't stop us from being acquaintances or even friends! A younger version of me would've stayed away from them, so she won't be influenced by them. But I'm mature enough now.

I finally blog! Which is something I've wanted for so long. In order to not repeat myself, here's Why do I REALLY Blog.

Click here to read the second part, I Grew Up 20.1! 

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My Relationship with Reading

I love reading but I'm not a "bookworm". I read mostly novels. All the scientific content I read is online, just few articles, and I fail to finish them. All the time. I have my own bookcase but it's not filled with books the way ideal bookcases look. I haven't even read every single book I own. I'm a terrible reader. Also, due to this occasional awful habit of mine. The habit of starting a book A, disliking it, leaving it, beginning A again, disliking, quitting for months, starting a new book, another and then finally reading A. And what's really mysterious is how do I finally get to finish the whole thing WHILE enjoying it? Some of these books end up ranking on top of my favourites. Magic!

I take novels too seriously. My mood changes with the actions, even my facial expressions do: surprised, sad or disgusted. It's fine, unless I'm reading in public in front of nosy strangers! The characters' tension becomes mine, their struggle, their experience... I relate to their pain even if I haven't lived such situation, yet. I take novels too seriously, I spend time thinking about the characters and daydreaming. I learn from them more than I should, since the events are unrealistic: too perfect or too depressing. Always the extremes. Murders. Eternal love. Adventures. Betrayal. All of these have nothing to do with my life, but I still learn from the characters and invent my own lessons. I bet the authors would be really astonished if they read my review on their books, like "But I didn't intend this!" and "Where the hell did she get this from?". Imagination!

It's a universal fact that books are better than movies. Deeper, filled with emotions and more fun. This is due to the time limit in the movies and changing the character's appearance, settings and dialogue. My reaction to the movies based on books is always extreme. It's like I was the author and the recreation offended me!

On the bright side, I do read now. When I was younger, I had a phase where I hated reading. I don't remember the details, but reading was torture to me. I'm not sure if a good book changed my view on reading or just growing up did it, but I'm slightly proud that I read. Currently, I read while I'm in the métro only, although I wasn't feeling it, and most importantly feared I'd get too engaged I'd miss my stop. It worked well and I've finished a novel faster than expected with zero missed stops!

What's even better than being too engaged and influenced by a novel, is discussing it. Or debating. I don't often find friends who have read the same books as me and when I do it's not easy to start such a conversation some times. It gets awkward, if you know what I mean. And not everyone is excited about it too, unfortunately. I had the idea of starting a book club but got busy and forgot all about it. Online book clubs didn't appeal to me.