My Relationship with Reading

I love reading but I'm not a "bookworm". I read mostly novels. All the scientific content I read is online, just few articles, and I fail to finish them. All the time. I have my own bookcase but it's not filled with books the way ideal bookcases look. I haven't even read every single book I own. I'm a terrible reader. Also, due to this occasional awful habit of mine. The habit of starting a book A, disliking it, leaving it, beginning A again, disliking, quitting for months, starting a new book, another and then finally reading A. And what's really mysterious is how do I finally get to finish the whole thing WHILE enjoying it? Some of these books end up ranking on top of my favourites. Magic!

I take novels too seriously. My mood changes with the actions, even my facial expressions do: surprised, sad or disgusted. It's fine, unless I'm reading in public in front of nosy strangers! The characters' tension becomes mine, their struggle, their experience... I relate to their pain even if I haven't lived such situation, yet. I take novels too seriously, I spend time thinking about the characters and daydreaming. I learn from them more than I should, since the events are unrealistic: too perfect or too depressing. Always the extremes. Murders. Eternal love. Adventures. Betrayal. All of these have nothing to do with my life, but I still learn from the characters and invent my own lessons. I bet the authors would be really astonished if they read my review on their books, like "But I didn't intend this!" and "Where the hell did she get this from?". Imagination!

It's a universal fact that books are better than movies. Deeper, filled with emotions and more fun. This is due to the time limit in the movies and changing the character's appearance, settings and dialogue. My reaction to the movies based on books is always extreme. It's like I was the author and the recreation offended me!

On the bright side, I do read now. When I was younger, I had a phase where I hated reading. I don't remember the details, but reading was torture to me. I'm not sure if a good book changed my view on reading or just growing up did it, but I'm slightly proud that I read. Currently, I read while I'm in the métro only, although I wasn't feeling it, and most importantly feared I'd get too engaged I'd miss my stop. It worked well and I've finished a novel faster than expected with zero missed stops!

What's even better than being too engaged and influenced by a novel, is discussing it. Or debating. I don't often find friends who have read the same books as me and when I do it's not easy to start such a conversation some times. It gets awkward, if you know what I mean. And not everyone is excited about it too, unfortunately. I had the idea of starting a book club but got busy and forgot all about it. Online book clubs didn't appeal to me.

FAQ

Instead of answering your frequently asked questions, I will share this article with you from now on. This article will be updated frequently. Enjoy!

Living Alone in Paris

I was excited that day, because it was the beginning of spring 2017!

1) Do/can you cook?

Yes, yes, yes! That's the most common question so far. I do cook. Since I don't even have an oven, the meals are not fancy. So don't expect a roasted duck and mashed potatoes or some hard-core traditional food.  My meals are mostly sautéed, grilled and boiled. Keep it simple.

2) What do you eat?

Like I said, mostly healthy meals. For example: grilled salmon, plain pasta and sautéed green beans. I rarely eat junk food but when I do, it's brownies and chips. And I eat meat, see Question 9.

3) How much is your rent?

I swear that's a common question too. The answer is: too much! Too much for a small apartment. It's Paris, that's why. Even though I'm living far from the city center.

4) How long does it take you to go to college?

Less than a 10-minute walk then around 20 minutes in the métro.

5) How much are the college fees?

Less than my rent. Much less. For the whole year, insurance included.

6) Are French people really arrogant and cold?

Most of the people I've met are cold at first whether at college or even in the street, but five minutes later they're super helpful and friendly. And they joke and laugh with you, yeah. Some people must be arrogant the whole time but I've never had to deal with them, fortunately.

7) Do you face any racism or islamophobia?

No and no! The stereotype that France is a racist country is inaccurate. No-one has ever spoken to me in a mean way. No-one insulted me in the street or public transportation. There have been many Arab Muslims living here, for the past 30 years (not sure). French people must've got used to their presence I'm sure.

8) Are the ads 18+?

No not really. I know other European countries have graphic ads, but that's not the case in France.

9) Do you eat meat?

Yes, but only Halal. Halal meat is accessible. I find it in the hypermarket, local butcher shops, it's too easy to find. Even Halal restaurants are so common they're not just open for the Arabic public. In other words, Halal restaurants aren't necessarily oriental, there are many pizza shops and even fast food chains whose non-Muslim customers are sometimes even more than the Muslim ones.

10) Do you get bored while living alone?

"Bored" is not the correct word.

11) Are your parents with you?

No, but my dad accompanied me at first to make sure I settle in.

12) Do you even find Hijab-friendly clothes?

Yes! Even more than in Egypt! Way more. Which is really confusing. I can even wear a hat or an ice cap on my Hijab and won't be considered démodée. It's really cold so elegance isn't my priority, honestly.

13) Is there wine in everything?

Nope. I personally thought they enjoyed wine in bakeries and most dishes but no that's not the case.

14) Do you have a boyfriend?

No, Salma, I don't have a boyfriend. And I never ever bring boys to my place either, Nour.

Nose Piercing

1) Does it hurt?

It hurt me at first. My other two friends who got it the same day as me weren't in pain. So it depends.

2) How do you blow your nose?

Like before the piercing, using a tissue. Just like that.

3) Will it fall?

No. Why are you even concerned if it falls?

4) Did someone comment about it or harassed you in the streets?

No. Not yet?

Earring backs

5) Is there an earring back inside your nose?

No. My piercing looks like this when it's not worn actually. 

6) Why did you get a piercing?

Because I want to and I think it looks good on me.

Stud

7) Does it bleed [if you take the stud off] ?

At first only.

Weddings

Love, love is beautiful. Seeing two people unite because of love and make a serious commitment in the light of (often) religion is inspiring, optimistic and beautiful. Egyptian weddings for some reason are mostly during summer, I'd assume it's because the weather will be best for travelling, maybe? Despite the beauty and significance of weddings, we ruined it. And by 'we' I mean everyone: bride and groom, guests and even the organisers.

Bride and groom

This is their big day. They've waited for long bla bla bla. But aren't they doing it wrong? Their choices are make or break. For example a wedding on the beach in August, is a really bad idea. Separating the two families is also a bad idea. This event unites two families not just two people. And if you're scared of conflicts then are you sure of what you're doing?

The invitation says 8 pm but the wedding starts at 11, why?! Some brides take too long to get ready it's annoying. And they had a long day to be prepared, so what's the excuse? It's really rude to keep people waiting this long. Sometimes, I get it, the make-up artist is late or something's going on but sometimes it's not the case! And with a wedding starting at 11 it sure ends after midnight, maybe even at dawn. This is too exhausting especially for the couple and close guests who certainly stays till the end...!

Guests

Well these people are the majority so there is A LOT to say about them. And since I've been a guest in few wedding ceremonies I can talk about it from this perspective. There are many types of guests.

The gossip ladies

Sitting near such ladies, you hear comments like "She's showing too much for a divorcée.", "I swear my nephew deserves someone better, I introduced him to more sophisticated girls but he refused. What does he see in this dark-skinned anyway?" and "The food in [insert name]'s wedding was much more delicious, but it's okay because I guess they're on a tight budget this poor couple! Did you hear they didn't even buy a....?". The chat is endless. They probably resume this gossip at home over tea afterwards. And almost everyone is dragged into this, people they know and complete strangers. Nothing stops them.

The IDC-I-only-came-for-food

Does he/she (but mostly he, though) know well the couple? Depends. Does he give a single fuck about them? Certainly not. But he's here for the free food and most probably won't even offer the couple a gift or anything. How to spot one: he fills his plate like he hasn't eaten for a week and he eats then leaves. Believe it or not, but this type can actually be related to a new-wed, and I've personally witnessed one. Point out one and no-one will believe you.

The bridesmaids

The bridesmaids concept was abused in Egypt. There are too many women and they're everywhere. As a bride, sometimes you have to have a certain person as a bridesmaid even if you don't know them well. This is abuse in itself. Like, you have to have your husband's cousin because he has no sisters. Sarah will get mad if she's not a bridesmaid so to avoid any arguments or fights you'll let her. Some bridesmaids are there for the attention. They want to feel special and attract the guys in the wedding and that's terrible in my opinion. They're in a wedding to prepare theirs instead of being happy for the couple.

The emotional

I don't get these people honestly. They're too much to handle for me, I wouldn't be able to react as bride honestly. A father who's crying, your daughter got married not killed! You will see her weekly (at least), so why the drama? Some of them are scared, some are happy. But it's too much to ruin the day.

The organisers

They control everything. Everything. No matter what the couple agrees on with them, the organisers have a different saying. And since this is a happy event, no-one will argue with them. I've seen no bride leave the dance floor to protest her playslist isn't on. My aunt and her then-fiancé clearly told them to not play Sha3by songs days before the wedding. Guess what, they only played them. It's so irritating. And if I were a bride I wouldn't be okay with it simply because it's a wedding and everyone's happy, because music is crucial and every song is different, it's never "it's just music".

There are always those mini-fights between the mothers and the organisers. Displacing few things here and then.

Honestly I'm not done with talking about weddings and surely I'll bash them again, soon.

Home Alone

Not everyone is lucky enough or has really open-minded parents to be able to experience living alone, we must all admit. However I was lucky enough. My parents trust me and believe that the way they raised me is reliable. They worry about me, that's normal, but they never doubt for a second me being off path.

I've been living alone for almost two months, only. But I think it's enough to be able to judge the experience and compare it.

Living alone vs. with parents. 

So far the best thing about living with your parents is not doing chores, according to everyone I meet! But what if you're used to cooking and doing chores at your parents' house? I must admit it came in handy and I even improved my cooking skills! Another awesome thing about living with parents is that you don't have to deal with cash or keep a budget. It is really hard to deal with this. At least for me. Even if I made an Excel sheet to calculate my expenses, it's not enough to estimate how much money I need per month. Because there are always these things that pop out and you have to buy them. Like when it became super cold and I had to buy some warmer clothes. It's urgent, it's sudden and it's also expensive. Everything is, when you live on your own to be honest. I've never noticed how much money I spent on grocery till I took care of the whole thing. I truly feel bad about the damn amount of money my parents have to give me just for food. Electricity. Transportation. WATER. It never ends and it's hectic. Did I mention having to carry grocery because I don't own a car?

On the other hand, you do whatever the hell you want to and no permission needed! Despite the fact that all the shops close early here, I can still have a nice walk late, go jogging or ride a bike. The night is really peaceful with fewer people in the streets. I can cook the meals I want as much as I want. There was a period when I ate salmon and pasta every single day. Why? Why not! It's my favorite dish and no-one's gonna tell me "Enough we've had it yesterday!" when I suggest eating it.

Living alone vs. with a roommate. 

When I first arrived in France, I wasn't 100% prepared and stayed in a hotel for long before I arranged to move into a students residence. And because I'm not lucky enough there was a three-week gap between moving out from the hotel and to my new studio/room/whatever you'd like to call it. I certainly didn't want to spend a fortune so I called a friendly Egyptian student- let's call her Minnie- who has offered before that I stayed with her for while. She accepted that I stay with her, which is awesome because I was so close to sleeping in the streets! Or the subway, because it's heated and there are vending machines, I love vending machines.

So I moved in with Minnie. I tried my best to not be annoying or messy but apparently I failed. Minnie was so strict when it came to the apartment's cleanliness. No dishes should remain in the sink (except after the breakfast cause we're always in a hurry in the morning), weekly moping for the whole place and no bread crumbs on the table. Yeah, I used to leave crumbs on the table, I know it's gross but I would've removed them the next day or something. Anyway, Minnie then decided to make a timetable for the chores. We didn't follow it all the time but it was there, hanging on the kitchen wall, to remind us that we didn't take out the trash and remind me that I left a dish (at least) in the sink.

A week in and I was already used to Minnie by my side. It was really nice to have someone to talk about you day and tell them anecdotes. It was nice to have someone when you're down. And sometimes we hung out and it was, for sure, better than going out alone.

Living alone vs. living alone

I do everything. From chores to waking up on your own. No-one offers to help. Even if you you're tired or sick, you're still single-handed.

I have to be my own guide. No-one tells me to not eat this brownie cause I'll get fat or to not drink tea cause it's bad for my stomach. No-one's gonna tells me to pray, do my assignments or call my relatives to wish them happy feast. If I make a mistake no-one will keep bringing it up to remind and warn me.

I'm my own CEO, boss or president. I only do the dishes when I feel like it or when I have nothing to eat on. I sweep (not mop!) the floor only once a week. Some clothes are on the bed others on the drying stand. Sometimes, few socks are on the floor. And when I'm not comfortable about it I tidy it of course. I can dance, exercise or cry whenever I need wherever I want. The heating is on the temperature I choose and I open the window comme je veux. No. Limits. At. All. And if you're thinking I'm being ridiculous because these are 'minor' things, then I'm sorry these 'minor' things are game changers and they can change your mood 180°! And also, they can affect your health and mood.

But the worst part about living alone is the 'alone' part. Feeling homesick. Needing company. A hug. Needing someone to share your suicidal thoughts with and help you out. I call my friends and family as much as I can but the thing is that it's hard! Sometimes I'm busy, sometimes they are. Sometimes the internet connection sucks. Sometimes I don't wanna bother anyone. Sometimes I can't even move after a long day so calling will be too much effort.

I can't help but overthink. Rethink what you've said and did. Blame myself, even for things that I can't change or didn't do. When you're all alone, you see yourself in a different light. No filters, no lies. You criticize the dark side of you more often, and you hate that side then hate yourself for having one. And this is how you get those suicidal thoughts. "What if?" and "why?" till your head explodes. And the memories and the flashbacks. Those beautiful memories of yours who make your day brighter but trigger your homesickness as well. And those painful flashbacks that swore they'll make regret your not-wise-at-all actions and words.

Honestly, not everyone can live alone. And not everyone can live with a company. Sometimes each phase of our lives even requires a change too. It's too complicated. I'll possibly write a second part.

First Day!

Originally written on 08/06/2015.

So this is my first article! I'm so excited to start blogging. I think blogging is so cool because you get to share your thoughts, ideas and experience with the world. You may even write about your favorite recipes, some tips or anything you're good at.

As a teenager who's been writing her journal since 2006, I thought that it was time to share some of it with the beautiful people out there. Maybe I'm crazy, maybe I'm immature but I'm sure you'll enjoy reading my modest funny stories and motivational articles.

Let me talk a little about myself. I'm an eighteen-year-old young woman slash reckless teenager who has ambitions and so many things on the list but who's also sometimes lazy and wastes her time, just like most of you. I'm Egyptian and Muslim. I live with my little sister Salma who's younger than me by three years and my mother who's a housewife sacrificing everything to take care of my sister and I.