Ashamed or Guilty

Disclaimer: the following article provides my own personal views that might be different than yours so it’s okay.

When I was at school, my actual third one, but first real one, kids were a little bit different. And what I’m going to say next might seem a bit impolite, but most of them were less privileged, I’m sorry I had to. But now I will clarify why I've mentioned it.

You see, my mother was kind of obsessed with travelling, she dragged our little four-member family to a bunch of countries during my childhood. Months before travelling, she dedicated her time to plan each trip. Her love of travelling was, I must admit, contagious too. But that’s another story, back to our main topic.

So, being a kid who’s travelled many countries outside her own put me in a minority category. A minority that experienced different things and not just travelling, but obviously other stuff too. I bet you get the picture now thus any further examples would be plain bragging.

Why did I mention this? Because believe it or not, this kind of lifestyle made me feel a little bit guilty. Guilty that I’m privileged. My life was a little bit less hard. I've tried better activities, seen better sceneries. It was hard to share summer vacation stories without sounding (at least) a little bit arrogant. I felt odd.

But when I changed schools, and went to an “international” school, the situation was reversed. Everyone in the new school has travelled abroad at least once. People had a more luxurious lifestyle than in my old school in general. If you have read my Friendship article, then you know in which school I actually made friends. But anyway. I no longer felt privileged, I felt average. Which was good. Until…

Later in high school, all what mattered to me and my colleagues was applying to college. The head of department once did a sort of presentation about this, she said that, every year, a third of each class goes to Egyptian public universities, a third to private ones and the rest studies abroad. And obviously the private ones are much more expensive.

A colleague of mine set his goal to study at a certain private uni, and since I was older and wiser then, I honestly said “I wish I could go there, but there are no longer scholarships and my dad can’t afford to pay my tuition fees”. As simple as that, with full confidence. I must say I’m proud of myself for reaching this point of self-acceptance. There’s nothing wrong with being unable to spend more money than affordable. There’s nothing wrong in admitting it in public. It’s wrong to lie and say things like “No I don’t like to go there, not good enough for me” while you, in reality, can’t afford it. How much you make doesn't equate your worth.

The moral is, you shouldn't be ashamed of being less privileged than others. Nor bitter. They may lead lives that sound fun and expensive, but believe me they have their own problems too. And if you feel guilty for being privileged that’s wrong to you, because that’s not your fault you were born in a richer family. Everyone deserves inner-peace.

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