Impulsive, Overthinker and Planner

We all know how difficult it is to overthink. Maybe not everyone knows, excuse my generalisation, allow me to explain.

Belgium, after a long day of exploring (and thinking).

I think all the damn time. While showering, cooking, cleaning, in the métro, working out, even while sleeping.  And if I'm not thinking, flashbacks of terrible memories happen. Or maybe stupid things I've done or said. It's mentally exhausting. Energy consuming. And it takes away the beauty in anything I currently have. I keep asking myself and maybe even others "what if..?", "what should I do if..?"...instead of living the moment. To shut my brain down, I resorted to reading when I'm in the métro for example. Listening to music while working out is effective too. It's not enough but it's a pretty good start.

It's even harder being an overthinker and a planner. I don't just plan my whole life ahead but I also can't stop thinking of all the scenarios. No matter how far in the future they are or how hardly possible they are. Plan A, then B, and then C and maybe even till Z. I want to be prepared. If Plan A fails me I want Plan B to rescue me, that's my logic. Even though, many times, I had only one plan that unfortunately failed. After grieving the failure, I made a new sole plan (not so different from the first, to be honest) that eventually worked out. Planning makes me feel safe, but overthinking ruins it for me.

Imagine adding impulsiveness to the mix. It doesn't make any sense, I know. But try for a bit. You can't right?

Well, my impulsiveness is occasional. I can hear you, guys, okay, it's not occasional, more like most of the time. I have no idea how could a person be an overthinker and impulsive simultaneously, but here I am. I could say the most reckless nonsense and then spend years thinking, analysing and regretting. It's a tiring cycle, people. I must admit I'm a little proud of myself for limiting the recklessness. Maturing is so cool, says the same girl who does a dive cartwheel in public, ha ha. I swear I'm maturing in the remaining aspects, though.

Did I forget to mention my permanently high expectations? Maybe next time, see you soon!

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