I Woke Up Today

An extract from my diaries.

03/05/2017

Credit: Pinterest

I woke up today, early as usual. I was feeling terrible. Physically sad. Not only because of college's stress and the general homesickness, but there was also an extra reason this morning.

I was feeling terrible because of a friend, a friend whom I thought understood me, told me last night to stop talking and thinking about death and suicide. Stop thinking. As if we could control our thoughts. I heard the brilliant suggestion as "I'm sick of you repeating yourself everyday" and "Stop being dramatic". Even though they apologized and claimed using the wrong words out of fear of losing me, I can't help but still be hurt. I do appreciate how they tried to make it up for me, I'm not heartless nor stupid. But things will never be the same between us.

I might seem dramatic, but to be disappointed by a friend and supporter hurts. It hurts to remember what you shared with them that, apparently, has no value. No impact. It hurts that despite telling them what you're going through, they still fail to understand, even though they empathised with you when you shared what you now regret sharing.

It must be hard to be friends with me, since I write down everything and (you'd even say) exaggerate.
But this has become a sort of therapy to me.

I'm better now, I promise. Read a cheerful article here!

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