Summer 2017: Part 1, Switzerland

Summer is my favourite vacation season and mid-July, I went to Lausanne. As usual, it was kind of a last-minute low-budget trip! I’m a very good planner, I swear, but I’m just last-minute.

There are two reasons why I chose Switzerland over the other European countries, a) it’s the closest one and the trip (AKA by bus, of course) is very cheap and b) because of the NATURE which mainly includes the lake. I felt like the nature was hugging my soul during this trip.

Well, if you know me well, I hate the sea because it’s salty. I mean I go there anyway, but I hate it. And the pool is usually great, yeah. But the lake is just something else. My first lake experience was two years ago in Alpena, Michigan, the States. I fell in love with the lake back then; it was like the combination of lazy waves and sweet water. It was the best swimming experience in my life.

So Lausanne.

Super tired
 after a long hour of
carrying the two bags
and lack of sleep.

I arrived early in the morning and since I had no idea how and from where to take the bus, I went to the hostel on foot. With my two heavy bags and my awesome back injury. It was nice to explore a bit the city even though I was exhausted from the 7-hour bus ride. Thank God it wasn’t too hot or else I would’ve melted. The walk was full of slopes and it was so weird yet cute to see people normally climb them. Like if it’s the norm to have so many slopes in town. Or maybe it’s just me who finds the idea weird, I don’t know, what do you think?

After an hour of walking, I made it to the hostel one piece. Then I kept my luggage in their locker room and went for another walk till it was time for checking-in. I explored the area a little then sat on a bench facing the Alpes from afar and a very beautiful cemetery. 

After checking-in and organizing my clothes and food (yes, I bought food from Paris: ready meals and tuna cans), I went for a walk by the lake with an ADEEF colleague who moved there. We had some waffles as well. The walk by the lake was splendid. I could see the Alpes at all times. So beautiful. It rained a little but it was still wonderful.


Day 2

Most important meal of the day.

I had breakfast in the hostel. The best part was tasting the Swiss cheese and drinking latté macchiato (which isn't available in Paris because they don't believe in mixing coffee and cocoa for some reason). 

Then I went swimming in the lake. The water was a bit cold compared to the outside temperature but it was still a delight. I had lunch by the lake: tuna, bread and an apple. After spending some time admiring the lake, trees, mountains and sky, I went back to the hostel to change and bring a smaller bag. Then I walked in a park a little then sat on a bench for a while to admire the breathtaking scenery once again. I couldn't get enough of it, to be honest. For some reason I was too tired and I napped on the bench. 

Clouds,  mountains, rocks, trees, geese and a lake..

Day 3

After breakfast, I went for a run by the lake and in the park as well. I got lost a couple of times in a mansions' neighbourhood and a place with actual fields that seemed to have corn crops. I don't know, I'm not an agriculture expert.

In the park.

I then met up with my ADEEF colleague at EPFL. EPFL is one of the top universities in Europe and it was an honor to have a tour there. The architecture was insanely impressive. We then went to the city centre and walked a bit. The stores in Lausanne close at 7 pm! I saw the Cathedral as well and the city from above. 

Day 4 and last one

The checking out at the hostel was by 11 am maximum, so I had to have breakfast and re-pack then put my backpacks in the lockers. Of course I finished all of this last-minute. But to my defense, I had a very long talk with an old Swiss lady at breakfast and that was why. 

Anyway, so after checking out I went to the lake again. Afterwards I went back to the hostel to shower and change, feeling like a gangster for still using the facilities even after checking out. 

After getting ready, I went to explore some more with a new friend. It was very nice of her to show me around so many things in such a little time.

My ADEEF friend insisted on taking me from the hostel to the bus station, which was a sweet gesture even though I can always handle the transportation and luggage. When I went to buy some food from a gas station, we had a very long conversation with an Egyptian Swiss man. He was so friendly and I learned a lot from him about the almost-perfect Swiss life. We then ran so I could catch the bus because I was so close to missing it even though we arrived early. Typical me.

To be continued..


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Confessions: Part 2.

Still real confessions, from real people. 

Read the first part here.

Special thanks to Nada for the effort!

"I have no secrets because I'm reconciled with everyone; I hide nothing."

"I’ve always hated my body. Never satisfied with it." –A.M

"I chose a concert over my friends and family." 

"I’m bisexual and I haven’t told anyone yet because no-one would understand."

"I'm paranoid about everything but I still go beyond my limits. I have no idea how I do it."

"I feel guilty when asking about people who don't care much and never ask while I don't ask about people who actually care." – Mayar

"I hate family gatherings."

"90% of my current morals and beliefs are what I taught myself rather than what my parents taught me."

"A handful of my friends are suicidal. Some of them even have had several attempts as well. It's terrible how helpless I feel, even though I perfectly understand what they're going through. I wish I could help."

"People always say that my IQ is zero, I know they don't mean to insult me but I'm tired of this.." -Dalia

" I have commitment issues mainly because I'm afraid I'll make the same mistakes as my parents."

"It took me at least 20 years to start loving myself."

"I won't describe how much I love her, but many times there's a gap between us and I want to fill it. I wish she gives me half the attention and care I give her.."

"When I was young I believed men shouldn't do chores and cook. It's crazy how the internet destroyed my previous beliefs and ideas that were based on what I've watched my family do."

"I have some psychological issues. The problem is I know them and I know how to get rid of them but I can't. Maybe I'll have schizophrenia one day. Or maybe I have it, I don't know."

"I was there for them whenever they needed me. When I needed them, no-one was there for me. I save them but no-one saves me. But I love them so much even if they don't help me. Sometimes they let me down, also. I don't tell them anything anymore cause they don't care."

"I love my sister so much and I hope she forgives me for the physical abuse I did to her in the past. I had my own abuse issues back then."

"When I was a kid I stole a pack of chips from the supermarket." – Fat Kid

"Even when I seem like I don't want attention, I probably do. I hate being alone" –Dalia

"I used to eat my little sister’s food because my mother insisted she 'd finish her plate and she couldn't. My mom still has no clue." –Fat Kid

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Confessions: Part 1.

Real confessions, from real people.

Special thanks to Nada for the effort.

"My life’s so boring I have to make up stories. I feel guilty for all the lies, though." - Adam 

"We made a mistake together, we’re all responsible so you can’t just erase your part and blackmail me. Betrayal. I should’ve expected nothing less from you. " - Sally

"It seems that you’re still a compulsive liar." –Mariam 

"I used to secretly reduce the heater’s temperature when my roommate was sleeping because I couldn’t handle it." – Hot Mess

"I've visited a psychiatrist for two and a half years. I go in first then I leave and my parents go in and talk. I’ve never known what they’ve been telling him even though I constantly ask." - M.F

"I miss our late night talks, the all-day-everyday texts, knowing every single detail about you and what's going on with you. I miss having your back and you having mine. Now after all what happened and all that time I miss you, I really do." –N.M 

"My aunt and mother enjoy making fun of me and it’s always hurt me. They’d never care anyway." –Sally

"I hate texting"

"I opened my boyfriend’s messenger behind his back." –S. G

"He told me that every time he got over me, I popped out of nowhere. He never lied."

"I feel like my illness’ purpose is to erase my sins." – N.N

"I regret losing my virginity to him but I don't regret having my first kiss with him."

"Distance was never a real issue but only an excuse." 

"Rainbow, I still wish we were together."

If you have a confession, you can submit it (anonymously) here or... just text me.

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Confession to a Pure Soul

An anonymous contribution.

credit: naukrinama.com

Dear Adam,

I know I'll never send you these emails, but I feel much better after writing down my feelings. Or maybe I will send them, we'll see.

I finally made it through the past few days. I thought I wouldn't. 

The emails were a big part of my survival along, with the aid of spending some time talking to the sea, imaging the waves taking my feelings away then giving them back to me. 

Mainly what helped me was a pure confession to a pure soul. You, you're the pure soul. I've summarised all what I've felt for you the last period in a few lines. I realised that shouting my feelings out loud to myself would definitely help me battle my scars and wounds. 

I wasn't wrong when I loved you and I will never regret it; I figured out that I chose the right soul and the right mind but only at the wrong place and the wrong time.

I'm the closest friend you've ever got in this city now, I suppose. I knew that the feeling was not mutual a while before I made my confession, as it was obvious. 

And even after my confession it was still obvious. At first, I was a bit hurt trying to accept my situation of wrong placement and timing but then I realised, after our last conversation, that as long as you're happy, I'll be the happiest person on earth and will stand for any pain that crosses my heart.

We had a deep emotional conversation, remember?

I could notice that I understood every word you said before you even explained it, every tear you shed and every late reply you texted, which stabilised my only true feelings and our connection. You've mentioned a major part of your old life, Sarah. (I know you can't stand seeing or hearing her name but,..) It had me swimming in a pool of tears falling like waterfalls. I rarely cry because of words written on a screen, but your words had the passion and were influential and that's why I was honestly affected by every word you typed.

You were obviously devastated after losing your mother. And, of course during her illness and operations and ER.. It was too much for you, and I know this without even living through it with you or listening to the detailed stories. But Sarah, not only didn't understand, but she even made your pain worse when she left because she couldn't handle the "depression". Words fail me here to describe the situation. 

I could feel you, or at least I try, and walk in your shoes. I'm so sympathetic every time I try to imagine your situation. I didn't know how to help you, so all I could do was share my own hard moments. The worst I've faced was explaining to you that what happened to you was not the end of the world. You still have more than twice your age to live. 

You couldn't forget Sarah because everything reminded you of her. I never asked you to forget her as this will also crop the good memories from the view, but smiling is the key of facing loss and missings. "Whatever is that you've lost don't stop and keep smiling. Smile, smile and smile." 

So that if you remembered her, you would smile rather than cry over the night. At that point, I also knew that my confession to you was more of pain to you than me. At least I was relieved. But for you, you were in more pain to deal with. 

I am sorry for you. For all the loses and confusions.

Although It was great, the most irritating of that conversation is that I love you now more. Earlier, you asked me to try to be your friend for a month and I'm trying. But I think ..., no I'm actually sure that the 30-day trial will be a failure because unfortunately every day that passes I'm more into you. 

I believe I can stand the jealousy now, get over it and focus on your happiness which is my happiness too and stop being selfish. For the first time in my life I felt love and for the first time in my life I had a boy friend that close, I don't know if this is a good thing or not because I might have already decided to study abroad and that means being away from you. I hate goodbyes as much as I hate Donald Trump.

I can't see you far, I need you and you need me (as far as I believe). I don't want to make the same mistake she made, I don't want to leave you alone here in Egypt and suffer. 

I didn't know that some day would come when I'd think of cancelling my whole travelling just for someone whoever it was. I didn't say I will but at least I've thought of it and that's enough. 

I learned the existence of some feelings that I wasn't aware of. I was so afraid to face myself but I think I already did now. That is enough for now I think. I don't know if I would ever show him these words right here in this note too but I might do it though because I need to a put an end to this Titanic story. I have nothing to hide from you, boy, you now notice when I'm shredding or feeling bad which is enough for me, you're a true friend. 

Thanks for everything, I love you.

Lana

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Roses

Hi there! It's been forever, I know. I don't even have a good excuse, but here we go.

Credit: mommyish.com

Have you listened to the song Roses by the Chainsmokers featuring Rozes? You might not be a fan, I get it, especially you're an 80's kid. But bear with me.

Here are the lyrics:

Taking it slow, but it's not typical
He already knows that my love is fire
His heart was a stone, but then his hands roamed
I turned him to gold and it took him higher

Well, I'll be your daydream, I'll be your favorite things
We could be beautiful
Get drunk on the good life, I'll take you to paradise
Say you'll never let me go

Deep in my bones, I can feel you
Take me back to a time only we knew
Hideaway
We could waste the night with an old film
Smoke a little weed on the couch in the back room
Hideaway
Say you'll never let me go
Say you'll never let me go

Ah, ah, ah
Ah, ah, ah
Ah, ah, ah
Say you'll never let me go
Say you'll never let me go
Say you'll never let me go
Say you'll never let me go

Deep in my bones, I can feel you
Take me back to a time only we knew
Hideaway
We could waste the night with an old film
Smoke a little weed on the couch in the back room
Hideaway
Say you'll never let me go
Say you'll never let me go

Ah, ah, ah
Ah, ah, ah
Ah, ah, ah
Say you'll never let me go
Say you'll never let me go
Say you'll never let me go

As you can see, it's  romantic song. It has "weed" but I swear to God I don't smoke, dad. I didn't like the song at first. But then when we went to see a French movie (Jour J) they played it at a part I considered deep. 

Well, it's a comedy movie, and I doubt anyone else but me cared for the small details, but there were parts where the protagonist was remembering her childhood and how current acquaintances have bullied her at school and how much she was a loser back then. The most important part of these flashbacks or conversations with her younger self was that before meeting the bullies, she held her younger self's hand and walked to them in full confidence. Roses was playing during this part. 

Say you'll never let me go

That made me think. About the past. About how much I need to communicate with my inner child and younger self (two different things, really). That I need to listen to the younger Samaa, realize some major achievements in my life for her and venge for her.

I think we all forget to remember about who we used to be when we didn't think too much. When we were innocent. When money wasn't important and when the world seemed pure and innocent with challenges as basic as convincing your parents to not to go to school or copying a homework from your friend without the teacher noticing.

Deep in my bones, I can feel you

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Clumsy.

I didn't choose the clumsy life, the clumsy life chose me.

Embracing the clumsy.

I admit I'm clumsy and apparently there's nothing to do about it. I'm not saying I googled "how to un-be clumsy", but I guess there's actually nothing to do about it. 

Okay, so I've just googled it. The steps include "Reduce anxiety" so, no, there's no "cure".

So how's the clumsy life actually? Spoiler: it's hard!

I trip all the time. Rugs, shoe laces, you name it. 

I bump my knees and elbows everywhere everyday. If my knees and elbows sued me, I wouldn't be surprised. All of this results in, of course, bruises and cuts. Not very pretty.

Cutting and burning myself while cooking is also very common. And with my sensitive skin, it gets even more dramatic, you don't want to know. This is why I own a lot of band-aid and I have to have some in my wallet all the time. I hate leaving my cuts exposed, because, again, sensitive skin. Sometimes I even find mysterious cuts and bruises and can't wrap my mind around how and when I got them.

Having coffee while walking isn't for me, I should be legally banned. Because every time I spill it. Every single time. Whether on myself or (hopefully) on the floor. And if the coffee's still hot, some burns happen. Great...! I have a jacket that was ruined because of a mocca stain that surprisingly got too "attached" to it and refused to leave even after many washes. 

During my lifetime, I fell off chairs stairs, I tripped over staircases. I've accidentally hit hundreds of people in the streets, metro station and simply everywhere. Sometimes I get tired of apologizing and I pretend nothing happened.  

This is pretty much how being clumsy feels like, in addition to the laughter of the audience. Delightful. 

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Dear Roommate.

Dear roommate,

We've spent some time together, long enough to share many happy and sad moments, long enough to share stories, food and experiences and long enough to peel some layers from each one of us.

After all this time of sharing more than an apartment, it feels really hard to say goodbye. So many memories in a short time, so many inside jokes. Sometimes when we were talking I'd tell you "one sec" to text, remember? Well, I wasn't necessarily texting, I was most probably writing down what I'm grateful for and what I want to apologize for. I'm not very good at expressing myself at these kind of situations so here you go.

I want to thank you for taking care of me. You were there for me when I was down and had no-one else. Thank you for asking me if I took my pills and ate when I was sick in bed all day. Thank you for going to the pharmacy in the early morning to get me medicine because it was too cold. You know you're my hero because you filled the hot-water bottle all the times I was in pain and couldn't leave the bed. Many, many times.

Thank you for yelling at me for not drinking milk and telling me I don't consume enough calcium.

Thank you for telling me I'm hot and all those good stuff when I ask you how I looked. And all the good vibes that made me feel so much better about myself. You were the one to encourage me to try a red nail polish and different clothes from my usual style. And you were actually right, I try many new things in life, but I didn't dare to wear red nail polish or a dark green sweater (I hate green, but yeah). Such a wonderful shopping partner! Even though, you take too long to shop yourself, but I survived!!

Thanks for letting me introduce you to new things: Indian food, weird French stuff and normal things you've never tried. Thanks for watching my favorite show with me.Thank you for all the times you were with me (even when you were tired) because I didn't want to be alone: seeing a doctor and grocery shopping...

Thank your for accepting my differences and not judging me. Including accepting my weird sleepwear and never making me feel awkward about it. "Freedom of clothing" as you call it. 

A huge thank you for tolerating my mood swings. And the dirty dishes I leave (Thanks for doing them when I left them before going to Germany because I was in a rush!). And the occasional drama and anxiety as well. And letting me apply the extra lotion on your hands because I still can't figure out how much I need. You have to admit your skin got better, though. Kidding.

Thank you for silly dancing with me in the morning while making coffee. Those little things meant a lot to me. All the loud, loud laughs. You're such a hilarious person who turns everything into a comedy show and I'll miss that. And DO NOT CHANGE.

And remember all the times you spent "bonding" with Ariel? Yeah that was fun!

And I must apologize for a bunch of stuff as well.

I'm so sorry for accidentally waking you up in the middle of the night because I dropped something. Many times. Sorry. And thank God you're a heavy sleeper who could sleep with the lights and music on so I didn't have to compromise when it comes to sleeping times.

I'm sorry I was picky, grumpy, moody and too honest. I'm working on the first three but I'll keep my honesty. I'm sorry I wasn't always free to hangout.

I'm sorry I always told you to lower your voice when you were on the phone, but girl, you are loud! Even louder than me, which is weird cause I'm always the loudest. Sorry for singing, I know my voice is annoying. And sorry for telling you all the time to turn off the damn bathroom light, but you know how important it is to save resources. "My dad doesn't work at STEG (electricity firm, an inside joke)!!".

I'm sorry I didn't like your music and pretty much forced mine. I'm happy you liked mine so you weren't completely forced to listen, were you? Also, so sorry I couldn't multi-task most of the time and you had to wait for me to finish something so you could talk to me! I only have one brain-processor like you said.

My sincere apologies for cooking salmon all the time when you hate its smell. You know I've always tried my best to make it quick and then get rid of the smell. It always took some time. Sorry.

You remember that day there was a huge insect? Well, I'm sorry I terrified you and you know quite well I didn't know back then about your phobia. I'm sorry I told you to deal with it at first before realizing you couldn't. I must admit I was afraid myself but I took one for the team.

I'm fashionably late and I'm sorry for keeping you waiting for me to get ready to go out. Also, so sorry for the last-minute showers which of course made you wait more. 

Last but not least, I'm sorry I've corrected your grammar mistakes an endless amount of times. You know pretty well I can't help it. Also sorry for popping my neck even though it's annoying and "dangerous".

I'll never forget the day I was devastated (and eventually in pain) and you calmed me down and brought my hot-water bottle and we lied watching a comedy show. I'll never forget the loud laughs in the middle of the zebra-crossing. I'll never forget all the times you were acting so silly I had to film.

Take care of yourself, eat some veggies and please keep on drinking enough water. You promised you'd visit and I did too.

Hugs and kisses,

Your annoying little sister.

PS: Please stop buying bread when you already have at home, we could've opened a bakery shop, girl!

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