Le rouge.

A la manière de Jean-Michel Maulpoix:

 

Le rouge est une couleur chaude.

 

On la trouve partout. À la nature comme à l’artificiel. Au feu, au coucher du soleil, aux feuilles d’arbres en automne, à la fleur et au fruit.

 

Une couleur vibrante, excitante. La couleur de la passion et de l’amour. Les câlins chaleureux, les bisous. Quand nous devenons en colère, timide ou jaloux.

 

On l’ajoute à nos joues, à nos lèvres, à nos ongles, pour se raffiner. On met une robe rouge ou une nuisette rouge pour se sentir attirante, charmante. Un teint qui symbolise la fraîcheur, la jeunesse et la beauté. Une couleur qui accentue la sensualité et le désire. Une couleur qui touche les âmes et fait bouger les émotions.

 

C’est la couleur du sang qui coule dans toutes nos veines. La couleur de la vie et de la mort. Le tout et le rien. Le chagrin et la gaité.

Cutting Ties

 I have cut ties with so many people in the last few years, for various reasons. I regret nothing.

After failing at setting boundaries and failing to limit interactions with them, I resorted to ending some relationships. This is because I decided that I no longer have to tolerate toxic relationships just because they were with people I've known for so long.

I cut ties for either one or both of the following reasons:

First, I don't have to tolerate disrespect and mockery disguised as "jokes". I don't have to tolerate casual sexist and misogynistic jokes and remarks either. I'm sick of being told I'm not "fun" because I don't laugh and engage with them anymore. I'm sick of expressing my feelings and seeing them dismiss them. This is mean, degrading and hurtful. 

And no, I'm not educating anyone anymore. I have tried, I did. I did because I cherished those relationships and thought that I could help these people see the bigger picture and understand where I was coming from. It didn't work out. And believe me, I'm done educating grown-ass adults. 

The internet is free, you can read tons of books, listen to podcasts or even watch YouTube videos. You can join different groups online and talk to different people. If you want to learn you can and you will. But I guess for some people it's way easier to be ignorant and hurtful. It's fine because everyone is free to choose their path. It's also fine, because I don't associate myself with them anymore. 

The second reason, I cut ties when I found myself the only one trying to maintain the relationship. I actually "tested" a former friend of mine: I stopped texting them at all to see if they'd reach out or not. They didn't for months. And I knew that they talked and met with other common friends of ours, so they could've talked to me too. But they chose not to. Our friendship was dying anyway, so I decided that it was enough. And I removed them from all my social media platforms. Just like that. 

My dad always tells me : "Relationships are like ping-pong. You can't be the only one throwing a ball. Both parties have to throw to have a game." Those are words I go by in life and they never missed. 

If you don't put effort, then bye.

How long you've known someone doesn't give you a pass to mistreat them. It doesn't mean you could keep on treating them the same way even though they complained about it.

Anyway, take care of yourself and you loved ones! And don't let anyone mistreat you.

Click here to be notified for new articles.

You don't have to forgive people.

"Forgive them, for you, not them." 

"Forgive them in order to move on and have closure".

"Forgiveness will set you free".

Photo by averie woodard on Unsplash

Unlike the popular belief, I don't believe everyone deserves forgiveness. Or to be exact, some hurtful words and damaging actions have too much amplitude to be forgiven. And it's okay to hold a grudge.

Especially since they most probably haven't apologized and they don't even find themselves wrong at all. I don't know about you, but it's not easy for me to forgive someone who hasn't come clean and sincerely apologized. If the person doesn't hold themselves accountable and comes forward to apologize, how am I supposed to forgive them? Because "sorry" is the bare minimum I deserve after whatever damage they caused me.

Sometimes our beloved ones tend to pressure us into forgiving who wronged us. To which, I understand their concern and good intention. But actually this is harmful. It puts a lot of pressure and even some guilt on us. They haven't been in your shoes, they don't fully understand your pain, so it's totally understandable that they give you inadequate advice.

If you're unable to forgive someone, I'm here to tell you it's okay. I'm with you. You can totally move on and have closure in other ways:

- Write this person a letter or an email, that you'll never send of course, and express all of your feelings of hurt and disappointment. 

- Go to therapy, untangle the trauma and issues. Work out how you could feel better.

- Surround yourself with people who care about you and understand your pain without pressuring you.

- Distract yourself in a healthy way: get a new hobby, learn a new language, read...

- Instead of waiting for an apology from the person who hurt you, apologize to yourself in their behalf. This might be helpful.

This is the fruit of my own observations, readings and experience. It's not a one-size fits all. But I hope at least it gave you some new perspective.

Stay safe and take care of yourself and your beloved ones.