No Getting Over

Who amongst us hasn't lost someone dear? I find loss a natural aspect each of us lives at one or more periods of his existence. People handle loss and moving-on differently.

But what must be worse than losing a beloved one to death or suicide, is the inability to regain a normal life. Not necessarily a happy one but a "normal" life. A life where you walk in the streets, looking at the stores and coffee shops and restaurants, without recalling the day you spent shopping together for that special event or the morning you had brunch in that restaurant where you shared laughs about a silly hat another customer wore. Or remembering a deep secret they kept with you and only you, even though no surroundings remind you of it, but you remember it anyway.

You lie in your bed, after a long day of human interactions and fake smiles, crying silently and wishing they were there. Asking why and asking God for some help. You keep questioning the existence of a so-called normal life after your loss, and whether you we are eligible for it. Any cheerful thought invading your mind for even a fraction of a second turns into an hour of guilt: "I don't deserve to be happy." and "How can I allow myself to feel okay when he's not here beside me?".

Others expect you to be miserable after a beloved one's death. You seem to disappoint them if you show the least happiness possible. Extremely nosy ones will talk behind your back, the ugliest words, "How could she be this happy after his death", "I thought she loved him" and "She has no heart"...

Do the dead want us to remember them for ever? Are they expecting to be forgotten after a short or long time? Is it a must to forget someone to be able to move on with your life?

Accepting a death and occasionally remembering the person with a warm smile seems science-fiction at first, but I guess everyone achieves this peaceful state at some point or another. The important thing is to not shame someone for moving on quicker than the rest. If you're miserable, stop trying to drag people around you too.

Things I hate about Travelling Solo

When someone says "travelling alone", what comes to your mind is backpacking, meeting locals and a real adventure. However, the experience I'm describing here is only the journey from A to B: bus, train, boarding, overweight luggage and strong coffee. And here's what I hate about it. 

1) Work, work, work

And by "work" here I mean "carry the luggage". Alone. It's terrible. And exhausting. In Paris, there are many stairs in the metro stations and honestly it's energy consuming to carry them up and down at least a couple of times. And if I have two heavy bags, I have to carry the first down the stairs- while keeping an eye on the one on top- then repeat. Fortunately, many gentlemen and even women offer to whether help with one handle or even carry a bag all alone. Shout-out to all the friendly Parisiens out there!

2) I'll be there for you

I know I said in the title "alone". But here, I'm also talking about the luggage. Wanna grab a cup of coffee from the vending machine? I have to take all of your bags and go. Going to the bathroom before boarding is like the worst of them all because there's no room for the big bag inside the stall. If you're feeling adventurous, you can leave it outside, ha ha...no...And that takes us to the next point.
ALSO THE BAG CAN BE DEMOLISHED OR CONFISCATED IF YOU LEFT IT UNATTENDED.

3) Dehydration

As a creature drinking about three litres of water daily, and can't reduce the amount while being healthy, the lack of water for only a day affects me. I'm not talking about something dangerous but my face just decides to copy the desert's landscape and I look terribly sick. To be normal again, it takes me at least three days. My body is a sponge.

4) Self-trust= zero

No matter how many hours I slept and no matter whether I'm travelling in a completely normal hour or during the evil 1-7 am period, I can't trust myself to sleep in the airport. Even if I set an alarm. Those who sleep in the airport must be really confident or something.

5) Easy target

I'm a woman travelling alone and many middle-eastern men get the wrong idea... And yes you read it right. I am a chatty person and I appreciate a nice conversation with people even strangers in the airport. Talking about cultures, our differences and similarities, travelling. But what I don't appreciate is them giving email adresses and/or numbers so we "keep in touch".

6) General Fear

I overthink everything, every single day. At least two days before my journey, I start panicking. "I have the feeling that I'm forgetting something", "Why didn't they send me the boarding pass by email like the previous flight?" and the classic "What will happen if I lose my passport?". This fear increases ten times when actually something worth being scared happens, like going to the wrong gate, twice, and almost missing the flight. Yeah, I waited in a gate then noticed it has a different destination, checked my boarding pass, "It's B8 not B6!!". Half an hour later, I checked a google notification about the flight, the gate is different from the pass, "What do I do now? Which one to believe?!"...Yeah, that was fun. The best part is worrying about being kidnapped, good times, good times.

What if I fainted and no-one helped me, then I missed my flight? What if I died and it took them days to discover my body?

For the description of my first trip alone, though, click here!

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